As a mom, I’ve made plenty of children’s birthday party RSVPs. Some last-minute cancellations, some “we’ll try to stop bys,” and yes, I’ll admit it, even some “NOs” when I just didn’t have it in me to commit to another Saturday of goodie bags, bounce houses, and awkward conversations with other parents I don’t know.
But now, in 2025 America, there’s an RSVP that isn’t just about scheduling. It’s about values. And when I came across @Nataliestake’s TikTok post about intentionally keeping her kids home from a birthday party because the birthday child’s parents openly support ICE’s efforts to detain and deport U.S. citizens, I understood. I understood all of it.
She wasn’t being petty. She wasn’t being dramatic. She was being protective, and honestly, principled.
Let me give you some background. The birthday host mom (another mother in her community) had made public statements on social media supporting immigration raids, including ICE operations in schools. She’d also shared other posts that, when taken together, revealed a clear pattern of racial bias that Natalie just couldn’t look beyond.
I understand some might say that politics shouldn’t come between children and playdates. And maybe in a world before our current administration, it would have been easier to turn a blind eye away from such issues.
But if you’re a parent of color or a parent raising children of color in 2025, you know now is not the time to make polite small talk in spite of differing political views.
@nataliestake By far the best RSVP I’ve given…
♬ original sound – nataliestake
Because here’s the thing: kids absorb everything.
They hear what we say at the dinner table. They watch how we treat others. They learn what’s “normal” from what we allow and accept. And when a child’s home is filled with messages of fear, hate, or superiority, those aren’t just opinions. Those are potentially dangerous lessons.
So when this mom received the invite for her two children to attend this birthday party alongside what her neighbor was posting on Facebook, she decided: Absolutely not, my kids won’t be attending that party.
Not because she was trying to punish anyone. But because she couldn’t, in good conscience, let her children bond with kids whose worldview may already be steeped in racism or xenophobia, whether they realized it or not.
Some people called her harsh.
Others said she was overreacting. But I whole-heartedly disagree. What Natalie did took guts. She set a boundary and she did it clearly.
There’s this myth that kids don’t understand any of this. But they do. Especially kids from marginalized backgrounds. They know what it feels like to be treated differently.
They notice when their names are pronounced wrong, when their hair is touched without permission, when classmates parrot things they hear at home about “illegals” or “those people.” These moments add up. They shape how kids see themselves and the world.
So yeah, birthday parties matter. But so does protecting your kids’ peace.
And while saying no might draw a line in the sand with the other mom, I admire how this woman handled it. She didn’t ghost. She didn’t lie about being busy.
When the mom called looking for her children’s RSVP to the party, Natalie took the call, and she told the truth. It’s not that we can’t come. We’re choosing not to…and, by the way, here’s exactly why.
Would I have had the courage to do that?
I sure hope so. Because our kids deserve to grow up knowing that their safety, dignity, and sense of self come first even if it makes things uncomfortable with the neighbors. Because all kids deserve to feel accepted,
To Natalie: thank you for showing your kids (and mine) that having boundaries isn’t mean. It’s a form of love. And for reminding the rest of us that sometimes, the best RSVP is one that says no, thank you… and means it.
