What to Know
People are always shocked to find out that I breastfed my now 12-year-old son until he was nearly four. Fellow breastfeeding moms marvel at how I made it that long. I always tell them I just did what felt right for me and my son. Practicing extended breastfeeding with your toddler or preschooler is a polarizing topic among both moms and strangers alike. This is especially true if you’re sharing it publicly. Shinnai Visser, a mom of two who lives in South Africa, is no stranger to that experience. After sharing that she still breastfeeds her four-year-old daughter, people had a lot to say.
The mom made comments to intentionally stoke the flames.
“I like keeping people on their toes 👀,” she captioned the video.
The short clip shows the mom laying in bed filming herself while her toddler nurses. She gives a bit of a smirk as she zooms in on her sleeping toddler.
“When people ask me when I’m going to stop breastfeeding my 20 month old, I like to upset them even more and tell them I’m still breastfeeding my four year old,” she wrote.
People fully crashed out in her comments.
Many commenters simply couldn’t handle the thought of a woman choosing extended breastfeeding
“Sick and more sick…” one comment reads.
“You seem to be more concerned with shocking people than providing a developmentally appropriate environment that includes a healthy, balanced diet for your 4 yr old,” another user scolded.
“And that right there proves you’re only doing it for attention,” someone else added.
“You are mentally ruining that child to grow! It would be very hard to detach as the child gets older. There is a time where you should separate.”
However, others praised the mom for sticking to her choices.
“Breastfeed my 2 boys until 6y and 3y10months 😂♥️ Missing the bonding we had 🥺,” a mom wrote.
“I honestly don’t understand why people are so bothered by breastfeeding…it baffles me every day. I’m still breastfeeding my 15 month old ☺️🫶🏼,” another mom wrote.
Another commenter took on the hateful comments, writing “The only weirdo’s & freaks in this comment section is the ones that cannot see how natural & healthy this is for your child, “Mother milk!” the purest form to feed your babies Clearly not mentally matured enough to understand & to see this is how nature intended it to be.”
The mom spoke out about why she practices extended breastfeeding.
Visser spoke with People about how she deals with the criticism.
“I’ve heard comments implying that it’s inappropriate, unhealthy or that it creates too much dependence. Some people assume it’s about my needs rather than my child’s, which couldn’t be further from the truth,” she said. “If you have ever breastfed, you will know I am not doing this for me.”
Visser’s views on breastfeeding an older child were greatly changed when she reframed her thinking about it. “It’s not biologically strange — it’s culturally unfamiliar,” she claimed.
Also, her four-year-old daughter isn’t constantly nursing as many would believe. According to the mom, she may go “a few days” without it. But the mom swears that the interaction is “brief, calm and led by her.”
She also pointed out how her daughter develops from the experience.
“A 4-year-old is still developing emotional regulation and impulse control. Breastfeeding offers a familiar, calming sensory experience that helps regulate their nervous system,” she said. “It’s a relational regulation tool, not just a feeding one.”
Throughout their years breastfeeding, Visser says that she sees a strong balance between independence and attachment in her daughter.
“Independence grows best from secure attachment, not forced separation,” she insisted. “Breastfeeding doesn’t replace independence. It supports it by ensuring emotional needs are met, not suppressed.”
The most important thing is that she and her daughter are on the same page about weaning. For Visser, it has to be a mutual decision. And she knows that they’re getting there without forcing it. “My 4-year-old is naturally weaning herself, and it’s magical to witness.”
Read More: 17 Celebs Who Practiced Extended Breastfeeding
