When it comes to Baby Boomers (i.e., people born between 1946 and 1964), there’s no denying they’re a tough generation. They lived through the the wild ’60s, fought in the Vietnam War, and worked hard for what they got. But as with all generations, Boomers also have their shortcomings, as one millennial mama recently pointed out in her mega-viral TikTok.
The clip was posted earlier this month by Lisa Pontius (@itsme_lisap)
In it, Pontius airs a major grievance she has with Boomers who’ve recently been “promoted” to grandparent status. Because while she loves the fact that they’re all about hanging out with their grandkids these days, they also seem to have a lot of trouble with a little concept called BOUNDARIES.
@itsme_lisap Reply to @pootertoad boundaries is not a dirty word #boundaries #grandparents #parenting ♬ original sound – Lisa P
“Boundaries is not a dirty word,” Pontius wrote in her caption, after sharing the clip on June 8. Then, she proceeded to explain exactly how — and why — millenials don’t “owe” their Boomer parents anything.
(Yep — you read that right.)
“In case no one told you, having boundaries is not the same as keeping your kids away from your parents,” she explained in her TikTok. “That’s a whole different relationship dynamic – one that I don’t have.”
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“My parents see my kids. My parents see my kids actually kind of a lot; they live pretty close to us,” she continued. That said, “I still have boundaries with my parents in regard to my children. They still have boundaries with me over when and how often and how much they’re going to watch said grandchildren.”
“We each acknowledge and respect each other’s boundaries,” she explained, adding, “That’s how you have a mutually respectful, adult relationship.”
Pontius isn't trying to be harsh here — she's just trying to be honest
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“Boundaries isn’t a threat,” she explained. “Every adult relationship has boundaries – scratch that – every relationship deserves boundaries, even ones between adults and children. My parents get to see my kids because they respect my boundaries. But if someone does get cut off from their grandchildren, it’s a pretty good indicator that they didn’t respect the parent’s boundaries to begin with!”
If the name Lisa Pontius sounds familiar to you, it probably is
The mom-of-three from Charleston, South Carolina, has gone viral before after venting about overbearing grandparents, which has garnered mixed reactions.
@itsme_lisap Already anticipating the Karen’s in the comments #parenting #parentsoftiktok #parentchildrelationship #respect #boundaries ♬ original sound – Lisa P
In a previous TikTok, which first made headlines last July, Pontius boldly told Boomer grandparents that their adult children “don’t owe them anything,” despite what society constantly tells us.
“Children don’t owe their parents a certain kind of relationship,” Pontius declared, adding that “depending on the parent, they might not owe them respect, either.”
The fact is, every parent-child relationship is different
Not every parent is perfect and not every childhood is “idyllic.” (Far from it, in fact.) Some of us grew up with our fair share of trauma that we’re still trying to overcome as adults. And now that we’re raising our own kids, coming to terms with our own past while trying to “do better” for our kids can be … challenging.
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This is why Pontius said she’s sick of constantly hearing that adult children should be “grateful” for everything their parents did for them growing up. After all … isn’t that what parenting is all about?
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“It’s a parent’s job to provide for their children,” she said at the time. “It’s a responsibility. Not everyone rises to the occasion, but that’s like the bare minimum, taking care of your kid’s physical and financial needs. The level above that is their emotional needs, which good parents do, but all of that is not a contingent relationship. You’re not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults.”
At the time, her TikTok garnered a LOT of comments
There were some who took offense to her approach and couldn’t get on board. But by and large, the reactions were positive.
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“YES. YES. YES,” wrote one TikToker. “I’m a therapist and have to teach this to my younger clients who carry this burden.”
“I agree,” added someone else. ”I gave my mom boundaries when I had my kids. She knew I loved her and respected her, but she understood.”
“You know who I respect? You,” yet another person shared. “This speaks volumes and I couldn’t agree more.”
Pontius's newest viral hot-take seems to have struck a similar chord
“Say it louder!” wrote one user.
“Preach girl!” added someone else.
As a result, some people even gave insight into their own complicated family dynamics.
“My parents can see my kids,” shared one parent. But “my mother-in-law cannot, because she cannot follow simple boundaries and is therefore unsafe.”
“We attempted to set two very specific boundaries with my in-laws when my son was born: Don’t come to my house drunk, and no guns in my home,” added another person.
That said, setting boundaries doesn't *always* work
“I tried to set some boundaries with my mom, and it’s been two months of not speaking with me,” one person shared. “I had my son call her, but no effort from her.”
“My father lost his privileges when he disrespected my boundaries from the very beginning,” another person said. “Want to see the grandkids? Respect the boundaries.”
Pontius shared some more thoughts on the matter during a recent interview with BuzzFeed
“Being undermined by a third party (even if it’s a seemingly well-intentioned grandparent) can cause a lot of strife,” the Charleston mom told BuzzFeed. “The parent ends up feeling completely disrespected. The parent needs to let it be known in a direct way that their parenting decisions are to be respected and honored if the grandparents want to participate.”
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She also explained how she navigates certain tricky situations in her own home.
“Firstly, there are no secrets allowed between a caregiver and my children,” Pontius said. “If a grandparent says, ‘Don’t tell mom’ – I personally would no longer trust that person. The same goes for disclosing accidents or incidents that may occur in their care. I’m either getting the whole truth of what’s happening with my children or I can’t trust you with them. Open communication and honesty is crucial.”
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At the end of the day, she says it all comes down to respect.
“You either respect the parents of your grandchildren to make the best decisions for their family and raise their own kids, or you don’t,” the TikToker shared. “There are plenty of parenting choices that may not be agreed upon, but at the end of the day, barring anything unhealthy or unsafe, a grandparent should respect a parent’s right to raise their children in their way.”
