What to Know
When I was a kid, my grandmother was my favorite person in the world. We spent a lot of time together. She loved it because she got to spend time with me, and my mom loved it because she got a break. Grandparents are an important part of the family structure — they offer another level of support to not only their grandkids, but their adult children as well. That is, if they want to. A grandma has gone viral on TikTok for her takes on who bears the responsibility when it comes to grandparent relationships. And she knows that her take may be considered controversial, but she stands firm.
She makes some excellent points.
@hels5071 Who’s responsibility is it? I think it’s firmly the grandparents responsibility. Being a devoted granny is an absolute privilege and one I cherish #mumsoftiktok #grandparentsoftiktok #familymatters #familydynamics #generationaltrauma ♬ original sound – Helen Devoted Granny
The woman, who goes by Helen Devoted Granny on the app, claimed to have some “strong views” regarding grandparent relationships with their grandkids.
“I think it’s a grandparent’s responsibility to always reach out, to be the one saying ‘can we help with this? Can we come and visit? Is there anything you’d like me to do? Do you need some support this week?’” she said.
“I’m a devoted granny and I feel very strongly about this,” she said. “I don’t think kids should be the ones — your children shouldn’t be the ones to facilitate that relationship. It’s up to the grandparents to do that. And I think if grandparents come back with things like ‘well, it’s our time now,’ no it’s not. It’s your time to help your kids.”
“It’s really difficult when your kids are small, and the help that you give them is so needed. And it’s so appreciated. Honestly, it’s your time to be with your grandchildren and help in any way you can.
Many people praised her stance on grandparent relationships.
“I heard someone say active grandparents never wanted to stop being parents,” one person wrote.
“We need more Grandparents like you!”
“If Grandparents can work out how to order expensive gadgets online, buy new cars and book holidays they are more than capable of picking up the phone and contacting the grandkids themselves,” someone else said.
“As a Nana I take my granddaughters EVERY TIME I’m asked!! Plus I watch them 4 days a week but I’d take them 24/7 if it was needed,” a fellow grandma shared.
“I cannot wait to help my kids as a grandparent. We know how hard it is. So to be there and love them and support them on this journey is such a blessing.”
Of course, others had their own opinions.
“Lucky though If you can afford to do that!! Not all grandparents are retired with a healthy retirement fund! The longer the grandparents are needing to work — less time available for the grand,” someone said.
“I respectfully disagree…my kids are the grandkids parent therefore I think it’s important for my kids to control raising their kids..my kids know I’m always there for backup but I never take control,” someone else said.
“I never get asked to take my children, we got told ‘it’s our time’ or my in laws say my children are different to their daughters children as I birthed them and I’m not there daughter, I vow to be a grandparent like you and support my children as I understand how difficult it is without that help.”
“My mum never reached out and if I asked for a hand I always felt like my kids were a hindrance. I stopped expecting and reaching out now my kids are adults they don’t have a relationship.”
