It's that time of year again … when our doorsteps are filling up with last-minute deliveries and our mailboxes are overflowing with dozens of holiday cards. This year, though, one family's holiday photo is making its way to more than just close friends and relatives. That's because Los Angeles mom Jennifer Chen recently decided to use her annual holiday update to introduce her child as nonbinary — and after sharing it on social media, it quickly went viral around the world.
Chen first shared the news on social media on November 29
Her post, which was shared on both Facebook and Instagram, featured a sweet photo of her family of four, huddled together outside as they smiled wide for the camera.
To those who know them, the faces are familiar — but this year, the names are a bit different. (Well, at least one of them is.)
"I'd like you all to meet Clark (formerly known as Claire)," Chen wrote in her post caption. "Clark prefers they/them/he pronouns and would like to be known as my kid/my son who is non-binary. Clark asked us to tell our friends & family who they are now."
The update was certainly a big one, but it didn't just end there
Instead, the mother continued on, in hopes of giving the reader a bit more insight into the journey her family has been on this year.
Along with her husband Brendan, Chen said she fully supports Clark's journey, but that their family is still learning and growing and evolving into their new normal. (In fact, she said her daughter Chloe — Clark's twin — is "the first to correct me when I accidentally use the wrong pronouns or name.")
"As a family, we love Clark and support whatever their journey might hold," the mother continued. "For me, when we've honored their choices to cut their hair short or wear clothes that feel like them, the JOY & LIGHT on Clark's face is what lets me know that we are doing the right thing."
Chen's final note, however, was not about Clark at all
Instead, it was more of a request — aimed at those who may not understand or see things quite the same way.
"I ask that if you disagree with our family's choice, that you tell me privately in a message, rather than put it in a public comment," the mother wrote. "Not everyone will understand our decision to respect Clark's choices, but we love Clark and that's all that matters."
At first, Chen wasn't sure how people would react
In a personal essay she wrote this week for TODAY Parents, Chen admits that her heart was "beating like a drum" in her chest and that her palms were "pure sweat" before she hit "post."
It was, after all, a major turning point.
"Before this moment, I had only told a few trusted mom friends," she shared. "My in-laws knew. But by sharing our new family holiday photo — my twins at a public garden in Pasadena — it would be clear that Claire was now Clark."
A rush of things soon flew through her mind
"I was scared of what conservative family members on Facebook would think," Chen admitted. "I feared people would judge my parenting choices on Instagram. The online world is far more terrifying than my liberal Los Angeles neighborhood where Clark is one of several nonbinary children."
But to her pleasant surprise, the response so far has been (mostly) positive.
During an episode of the PEOPLE EveryDay podcast, Chen said she was actually overwhelmed by all the love and support her family received. Not just from close friends, but also from people she hadn't spoken to in years.
In fact, the comments were so touching that she read them aloud to both of her kids.
"I actually put it on our TV so they could see the big scroll of messages from Facebook," she shared. "Both Chloe and Clark were amazed and so happy and just smiling. They both were like, 'Wow, all these people care?' And I said, 'Yeah, they're happy to meet you both,' and reread some of them out loud."
Soon, though, the story went beyond her own social media sphere
To Chen's surprise, she watched as her post was shared across Instagram and Facebook, and then covered by major media outlets around the world.
At the same time, though, this led to many comments from strangers — some nice, and others … well, not so nice.
"Yesterday, I spoke about it in front of my kids," Chen told PEOPLE. "I didn't say exactly what people said, but I said, 'Some people are being unkind.' And Chloe actually said to me, she's like, 'Don't listen to them, Mom.' And I'm like, 'You're right. I shouldn't listen to them.'"
Chen says her family's transition began earlier this year
It was sparked by what she calls "a mundane dilemma" — a pile of dirty laundry and not many clean clothing options for her twins to choose from.
"We forgot to wash the kids’ clothes and it was time to go to preschool," Chen wrote in her essay. "Clark threw a fit that there were only skirts in their dresser while their twin, Chloe, was fully dressed. My husband and I cajoled Clark (then Claire) to 'just get dressed.' After crying, Clark finally said, 'I don’t feel like me in skirts.'"
"It was the moment I realized that how we reacted would forever be cemented in my child’s mind," Chen shared.
So, she dug down into the laundry hamper and pulled out a pair of already-worn shorts that was passable as "clean." Then, she watched Clark's mood instantly shift.
"Clark’s tears dried. Their smile appeared. I knelt down to my sweet child, 'Do you want me to get rid of your skirts and dresses?' They nodded."
Now, the family is everything it can to support Clark's journey
Even, says Chen, if that journey winds up looking different a few months, years, or decades down the road.
"My husband and I have always said to Clark, 'If you want to someday be a girl again, if you want to be whoever, we love you no matter what. This could last a year, it could last the rest of your life. I don't really care, but you tell us what feels good for you,'" the mother told PEOPLE. "This might change. They might feel differently when they become a teenager, they might not, but we've just come from a place of, We will love you no matter what and we'll honor any choices that you want to make."
