Let's get comfortable and talk about sex. Specifically, let's talk about sex after divorce. Because, let's face it, if you've recently ended a marriage, you're wondering if you are ever going to feel comfortable enough to strut around naked in front of someone else or explore your sexual side with a new partner.
Take it from me — a woman in her 40s who had three kids and was with one partner for two decades — you will get there.
Sure, it might take time, or you could be ready three nights after your partner moves out. Every situation is different, and everyone needs to move at their own speed. Once again, the hosts of Splitting Upward are here to help.
This week, co-hosts Julie and Jesenia introduced Laura Berman, a popular sex and relationship educator, therapist, New York Times bestselling author, and someone with her own line of sex toys.
There's no doubt she knows her stuff. Not only did she have so much good advice to offer single women who are re-entering the dating world after divorce, but she also discussed how amazing it can be to rediscover your sexuality with a new partner.
It doesn’t matter where your head is — she will give you the kick in the pants you need to get back out there, if that’s what you want to do.
Not only was she a single mom herself for four years, she's also an expert in all things sex. Berman says that if you're just getting back in the game, start with first things first: It’s important to recognize if you are ready for love or ready for sex — and to know the difference before you get out there.
It’s important to recognize if you are ready for love or ready for sex — and to know the difference before you get out there.
Once you've figured that out (it took me some time, that's for sure), she reminds us that after going through such a big life change, “you know who you are,” and you can have a night of casual sex if you want.
An important topic Berman touched on was the myth that women have their best sex lives in their younger years, something a lot of us believe simply because we were younger and perhaps in better shape then.
Spoiler alert: It's just not true. As women get older, we find our voice in the bedroom. We know what we like and what we don't, and we realize it's a waste of our time to settle for less.
Berman says sex "just keeps getting better." In fact, she adds, "our main sex organ is between our ears."
She's talking about our brains, folks. Because as we age, we become less apologetic and speak up about what we like in a way we didn't in our younger years.
When we’re in our 20s, we don’t quite have the confidence to say what we like in bed. We also may let it slide if our partner pleases themselves and forgets about us.
Co-hosts Julie and Jesenia talk about how they don't let that happen any longer after divorce, adding that there aren't any more fake orgasms, either.
So, if you need a shot of confidence, this is a great episode for you to catch. If you're already back out there, Berman reminds us that the second time around can be so much better — both inside the bedroom and out.
