I paid for my entire wedding. At the time, my fiancé wanted to help, but I told him to save his money for a house so we could stop renting after our honeymoon.
We both worked hard and saved every penny. We had a nice wedding without any help from our parents. At our wedding rehearsal, my parents sat and watched me write check after check to the caterers, the venue, and band. It didn’t seem to faze them.
My fiancé's parents took everyone who was in the bridal party to dinner, and my parents stood at the sidelines watching that too. They didn’t offer to help pay for the lovely dinner everyone had. They didn't help clean up after everyone left, like all the other family members did.
My parents aren’t wealthy, but they have a little money they could contribute. They just didn’t want to — which is fine. I don’t care that they didn’t help pay for my wedding or college, or start a college fund for my kids.
OK, I care a little. Especially when one of my friends shows me the swing set their parents bought for their kids, or tells me they still vacation with their parents to Florida and their vacation is funded by them because they want to spend time with their grandkids and children.
The bigger issue is, my parents are just unwilling to help, period.
My father lives less than 10 miles away and didn’t see my kids until they were months old. I’ve moved twice, and he’s never offered to lend a hand despite asking me and my siblings for help around his house countless times.
When I got a divorce, he didn’t offer any kind of help. He’s handy and knows how to fix cars and has done all the repair work on his house. There was never a “I’m here if you need me,” or a “let me know how I can help.” In fact, he hasn’t been here to see me or his grandkids in over three years and has trouble understanding why we don’t accept each (very rare and last-minute) invitation he gives us to come over.
I don’t have a mom I can call to ask to babysit — I’ve tried and she’s usually too busy.
I don’t have my parents as part of my support system — something every single mom needs.
I don’t know what it’s like to have my parents help out with my kids’ school clothes or pick up my kids to spend time with them.
This isn’t because there’s a roadblock stopping them — they are on the younger side as far as grandparents go and have plenty of free time.
They simply don’t want to help me or my brothers and sisters.
So, while I don’t know what it’s like to have them to lean on and I’ve made peace with it and believe it’s made me stronger, at the end of the day, my kids are still missing out on having a good relationship with their grandparents. And that's something I sadly can't fix or give them.
What I can do, however, is teach them the importance of family and being there for one another. I can show them how they can help in any way they can. If there's anything they can learn from having absent grandparents, it's that breaking the cycle can be one of their greatest accomplishments — and mine.
