There are fewer things that I’ve struggled with more in my life than whether or not to send my daughters back to school this August in the middle of a pandemic. I have an underlying health condition. In fact, I have two. My 15-year-old daughter is also immunocompromised, and I’m terrified of what she may catch in a classroom.
I’ve read our tentative reopening plan, and while I wholly expected to refuse it, it was surprisingly thorough and well thought out. However, one thing gives me pause — there was an exception to the mask rule. While masks are required when entering and leaving the school, some parents say their children can’t wear masks while in hallways or other places outside the classroom. The principal left room for those parents to let him know, which, to me, translates as some kids won’t be wearing their masks, which makes all the kids more vulnerable, especially my immunocompromised daughter.
In today's world, parents of immunocompromised kids have their hands full
Anyone can contract COVID-19, but children with chronic and serious illnesses who have weakened immune systems are even more vulnerable physically and emotionally. Sometimes that means parents find themselves in the difficult position of choosing between getting their children the treatment they need and risking them getting infected with a potentially deadly virus.
Not only do immunocompromised kids catch illnesses easier, it’s harder for them to fight illness. We’ve got to constantly worry that even if we’re doing our part to keep our children safe, masking and social distancing only works if everyone is doing their part. That’s terrifying.
My girls miss their friends terribly
They want to hug them, talk to them, and hang out. I want that for my girls. I want to return to normal more than anything else, but I’m not willing to risk my daughters’ lives for it. I’m not willing to risk your daughters’ and sons’ lives for it. I’m not willing to risk the teachers’ lives for it. I’m not particularly excited to put my own life in danger just so my daughters can “socialize” or I can have a few hours alone, even though I desperately need them.
My daughters each had one friend over this summer — kids who were also quarantined and whose parents I know were following the rules. Honestly, the girls were going stir-crazy, getting depressed and anxious. They really needed to see someone other than the people living in our house.
We need human connections
My girls are no different. In fact, immunocompromised children may count on those connections even more so. Our girls have done everything they’re supposed to do — they wear their masks, social distance, and wash their hands, but nothing is 100% coronavirus-proof.
Pods are a great idea if your kids are healthy, but it’s too big of a risk for me to take with my child who has a weakened immune system. With school starting back next week, even the couple of quarantined kids in our mini-pod will no longer be safe for my children. My only hope is virtual hangs for the girls and a therapist. I’m afraid of the lasting effects that isolation is going to have on my girls. But I can get them therapy to deal with the mental health issues, but nothing can bring them back from the dead — and that’s what it’s like being the mom of an immunocompromised child.
People want to be free to do whatever they want to do without the cumbersome feel of a mask on their face, and I get it. I’ll be honest with you — I hate wearing a mask. But I’d hate to die or be responsible for passing the virus to my family or your family. Since June, 20 members of my family have been infected with COVID-19, and one has died. One is on a ventilator. I haven’t hugged my parents since March.
I can’t risk being the reason someone else loses their loved one
So we’ve decided that our girls are going to school virtually next week. Our school’s reopening plan was comprehensive, and it gave me hope that it can be done, but I’m going to have to listen to my gut. In these uncertain times, there’s one thing I know for sure: The most important thing is my daughters’ health and safety, and no matter how much I need a day off, or they need their friends, or we all need new faces and places, or how mad they may be at me for choosing to keep them home, if I don’t feel like it’s fully safe at school, they’re staying home.
In the end, it’s our children, and it’s our job to protect their lives, and that’s exactly what I plan to do — no matter what anyone else thinks.
