There comes a time in life — somewhere in your 30s — when the majority of your friend group slips into coupledom, marriage, parenthood, or some combination thereof. And, as that happens, relationships — in particular, those with the folks who are single — shift. Sometimes it’s unproblematic, even graceful. But often, there are bumps along the way — feelings of being left out, or condescended to. Here’s how to keep your single friends close, without making them feel like there's something wrong with them.
Do include them
Duh. It sounds obvious, but sometimes this really is the biggest hurdle. Remembering to include a single friend when dinner for four or eight is your default mode can take effort. But it’s an effort worth making.
Don't assume they won’t want to hang with other couples/parents/families/etc.
There’s that meme for the introverts among us — "I want to be invited, but I don’t want to come." The same can be said for our single friends. Single friends can decide for themselves if an event or outings that are full of couples or kids is not for them. You need not decide for them.
Don't make them the only single person there
This is not a hard-and-fast rule, but in general, someone is more likely to feel like the third or fifth wheel if they really are the only single person there.
Don't feel like you have to set them up with the other single people in your life
Just because they’re single doesn’t mean they’re perfect for that other single person you just met. Not only that, but maybe they like being single and don't want to stress out over unexpected blind dates.
Do invite them on group trips
“When it comes to vacation, single people really get screwed over,” Beca Grimm wrote in GQ. It’s more expensive to vacation solo, for one — but, again, that’s for the person to decide. “Being single may be more expensive, but I know plenty of loaded single people who would still love an invitation.”
Don't give endless relationship advice
If there’s one thing single people have plenty of, it’s relationship advice. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re automatically an expert.
Don't act like being single is a problem that must be solved
Happy single people exist! Nobody needs your pity. Let's remember that not everyone wants to be in a relationship. Maybe they just got out of a relationship and need to heal or just have a breather.
Do remember that being in a relationship is only one aspect of who you are
It’s easy to get swallowed up in your coupledom or in parenthood — especially in those heady early days of a relationship or the exhausting all-nighters that come with raising kids. But those things that connected you to your (single) friends are still valid. And you need to value those aspects of yourself, too.
Don't forget that there’s still a stigma to singledom
Yes, it’s dumb and outdated, but it’s still there. There’s even a name for it: singlism.
Do listen
So much of what damages relationships between couples and singletons comes down to all the assumptions we make about each other. The best antidote to assumptions? Good, old-fashioned listening.
