18 Things Not to Do on Your Wife’s Birthday

Your wife's special day isn't meant for you to indulge in the things you appreciate about your wife. Rather, it's supposed to be a day where you can tell her how much you appreciate her. Maybe your talk of how amazing she is will put her in the mood, but let her make the moves.

If you truly appreciate your wife, you should know her well enough to be able to make plans for her favorite brunch spot or the movie she's been wanting to see. Wives do a ton of emotional labor at home. Making her in charge of figuring out how you should show her she is appreciated is more of it. Give her a break.

Dig deep and set your differences aside. Give yourselves a reprieve from any household tensions. You'll work it out eventually, but it's important to fully focus on the good things about your wife to truly show her that you appreciate her.

Sure, flowers are sweet. And she loves chocolate. But you can do more than just swing by a store to grab a bouquet. Don't make it look as if you're checking a box. Really think about how to celebrate her.

You're super cool and she loves that about you. But give your music a rest if it's not totally her favorite. She'll know you appreciate her if today's playlist can be all about what she likes to listen to, even if—especially if—she knows you hate it.

Don't expect her to make dinner or decide where to eat for dinner today of all days. Instead, take on the heavy lifting of dining decisions. Think of what she loves to eat and make it happen.

The Dollar Store is not where you go to get birthday presents for your wife, it's just not. Coffee mugs, glue sticks, a T-shirt with the poo emoji are not the tone you're trying to set with this day.

On your wife's birthday, there should be no gifting of cleaning tools. Be cautious with regard to cooking tools, and only give those if she loves cooking (rather than if she somehow wound up as the default home chef). Come on, be thoughtful.

Want to run out and pick up her favorite Thai food? Great, get in the car. But take the kids with you. Sure, it's a pain. But your special gesture looks suspiciously like an escape for a little "me time." Wrong move.

Even if she insists or hates the way you do them, make sure she's not on cleanup duty on this day. Insist that she kick back and let you show her how much you appreciate everything she does.

Now's not the day for complaints about the house, your job, her cold feet, the mealy nectarines. Keep today positive for her.

If she's a pretty giving partner, the tendency will be to not let you work too hard, think too much or take on everything. Insist on it, though. Don't forget that today is all about her—all about how you appreciate her.

Embrace this special day. Don't take it personally if she's not ready to spend the whole day celebrating her. Just make sure she knows you appreciate her.

A gift card, really? Oh, and it's just credit added to her Starbucks app? Yeah, feel free to get her those things. But not for this day. This day is about spending time, using words and demonstrating how you don't take her for granted.

Your back rubs, while appreciated, aren't spa level, deep-tissue kind of stuff. Send her off to the spa for a professional massage instead.

If you spend most Sundays playing golf, working out, sitting in front of the games on TV, that isn't the best way to show your wife that you appreciate her. Take the day off to focus on her. Your TV and golf bag will still be there for next week.

If you're clinically depressed, definitely seek help. But if you're bummed about stuff from work, try to set that aside to truly focus on your wife. She loves you and will want to lift you up. But making today about her means giving her a break from that. Seeing her happy and feeling appreciated might shift your mood, too.

If you have really young kids, it can be hard to get away from them, especially on weekends. Try hiring a sitter to come over, and the two of you can go out, even for just an hour. It's hard to stay focused with kids running around or needing things, and she deserves your full attention—as well as her own full attention to how much you appreciate her.