I remember a time when the more friends I had to my name, the cooler I felt. I wanted to be popular. I wanted everyone to love me. More friends equaled more love. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize that, with friendships, it’s definitely quality over quantity.
I’m a full-time mom with a full-time job and don’t have time for much else. If you’re in my small Rolodex of friends, that means you’ve stuck around for countless blow-offs, ignored texts and canceled plans, and witnessed an obscene number of meltdowns from my children (and possibly myself). I’ve Marie-Kondoed my friendships over the past few years. If they don’t bring me joy, they’re out.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel the need to brutally cut people out of my life or completely ghost them. I just stop making them a priority.
However, I have one friend who has stayed in my contact list far too long. It pains me to use the term "friend" to describe her because she is so far from what that word means to me. She is negative and critical to my face, and talks so much crap about our common acquaintances, that I can only imagine what she spews about me behind my back. She criticizes my life choices and makes judgmental comments when I share even a tidbit of information with her.
She’s toxic, to say the least.
But I just can’t quit her. I can’t write her off. I can’t unfriend her. I can’t move on from her for a few very simple yet extremely complicated reasons.
We run in the same group
We share the same friends. Our kids go to the same school. We go to the same church. Our parents are friends. Our lives are very much connected, so disconnecting from just her feels nearly impossible.
She’s also always available
Convenience wins out with this one a lot. Our kids get along great and, it seems, they are the only friends we have that are free at the drop of a hat to run to the park or go get ice cream. I try to make plans ahead of time with other people, but lots of times it’s those last-minute play dates that are so necessary for the sanity of my kids (and myself). She’s the only one who says yes.
I need her help
She’s always willing to help pick up my kids from school if something comes up for me at work. She’ll help transport them from soccer practice when my kids have conflicting games or activities. Her reliability and availability cannot be rivaled. Without her, I’d be up a creek frequently. I have no one else.
So, I find myself continuing a friendship that I would advise anyone else to end. The interaction we have in person is not doing anything to feed my soul as a true friendship should, but, it turns out, soul-feeding isn’t always the point of some relationships. While I can't completely quit this toxic friendship, I'm in control of what I share with her and how close I allow her to be in my life.
Some people you just can’t quit. You just have to make the best of it.
