It's been a decade now since I browsed my closet of tailored dresses and fashionable shoes, selecting just the right outfit for the next day of meetings. It's been a decade since I started my mornings with a quiet commute. It's been a long, long time since I sat at a desk prioritizing emails and calculating goals.
Ten years ago, I exchanged all of that for yoga pants and morning baby snuggles, meetings on the couch with library books and walks to the playground.
Needless to say, my life as a stay-at-home mom has changed my day-to-day life. A lot.
When I was pursuing a career and working in an office, I desperately wanted to be home with my daughter. Becoming a stay-at-home mom was my dream. The ultimate goal.
Everything I did was pushing toward that hopeful reality
My husband and I made a plan to pad our family’s savings, I put in my two weeks' notice, and transitioned myself to a life 100% focused on being home with our girl. I chose to cultivate a life different than my working-mom situation. Truly, was blessed to be able to. We sacrificed — and still do – but it was possible, within reach.
And I took the chance without looking back. I chose a life where my priorities weren’t torn between two worlds, one where I could be present for everything.
Through many tears and lots of hustling, I swapped careers and changed directions. I became a SAHM mom and have now been living the dream for a whole decade.
It’s what I always wanted. It's what I worked for. And yet, here I am, confessing.
Confessing that I wish I had a real job again
Do I still work every day? Absolutely! Being a SAHM is equally as demanding as my office job, especially in light of adding children over the years, balancing a little freelance work, and supporting my husband’s career. But I don’t leave home and I rarely pull myself together. I’m never in my car alone and a designated lunch break where I eat and laugh with coworkers … well, let’s just say that the incessant chants for mac 'n' cheese refills don’t fill my social love bucket.
A job outside of the home offers a sense of independence and worth that stay-at-home parenting does not. Rarely do I hear accolades for a job well done. No one tells me I swept the cereal crumbs from breakfast well or folded the laundry in record time. No one even knows that I was up four times soothing the baby last night, while still getting my older kids to school on time. There are no progress reports or raises and no paid travel for trainings or company celebrations for milestones met.
Yes, my husband cheers me on. He believes I am doing meaningful work and he tells me often. And when my kids melt into arms, claiming me as their safe place, I know I'm where I’m supposed to be. I will not leave this work of daily (and nightly!) motherhood because I am called here.
But that doesn’t make it easy
It doesn’t put on paper that I am an achiever. A hard worker. A go-getter.
It does not award me with a paycheck and it does not give me due vacation or sick leave.
I adore being a SAHM. I still 100% believe it is my dream come true. If presented with the opportunity to return to an office setting, I would almost certainly turn it down. But, as human nature dictates, I find myself glancing at the greener grass.
What if …
What if, tomorrow, a nanny arrived and I left in my favorite purple floral shift from Ann Taylor Loft and the dusty black pumps that currently reside in the back of my closet?
Would I be happier? More fulfilled?
Or is it just wishful thinking? Would I wish myself right back where I am now?
Yes, I think so. I know so.
So, I will tell myself I am content here — in my life, my dream, as a SAHM. I will find a new home for those faithful black pumps. I will schedule a night out with my girlfriends, so I can visit and eat without cutting someone else’s food. I will jot down a list of things I am grateful for and I will ponder what makes me a top-notch SAHM. Perhaps even set myself some goals.
I might wish I had a real job again, but I know I’m doing the work I was meant to do. And that is enough.
