Romance Boosters for New Parents

When a couple becomes a set of parents, the relationship can quickly take a backseat to the baby. After all, baby spit-up and sleepless nights don’t exactly translate to romance. Don’t panic—hope is not lost. Dr. Jenn Berman, relationship expert and host of VH1’s Couple’s Therapy, explains that a low-key date night with a sitter—or something as simple as holding hands—will keep your romance's flame burning.

One parenting myth is that romance is a luxury, not a necessity. “It’s important to keep in mind that the relationship between mom and dad, husband and wife, is the foundation for the family and for the kids,” says Berman. “If parents don’t take time to nurture their relationship, it can create a very unstable relationship for the family.”

It may not sound romantic, but sometimes romance needs to be scheduled. Between feedings, nap times, diaper changes and baths (not to mention the rest of life), alone time with your spouse can get easily overlooked. “When you schedule your date night, just make sure to plan something that you enjoy as a couple,” Berman says. “And make sure you have child care for that time.”

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Of course, having dinner with your love at the most expensive Michelin-star restaurant can be great, but the stress of planning and paying for an extravagant night out can also be a romance buster. “The myths about date night are that it has to be expensive, it has to be super romantic and you have to leave the house,” Berman says. “All you really need is a night where the couple makes a commitment to spend time with each other face-to-face.”

The at-home date is a great alternative to an expensive night out. “Staying home for date night is totally cool,” Berman says. “Just make sure you have a babysitter that can watch the baby in another room.” Make a picnic in the bedroom, cuddle, and watch a movie or play a board game. The best part is true one-on-one time with your honey.

Between dirty diapers and sleepless nights, it is darn near impossible to keep romance on the brain. If you need a little help remembering how and why you fell in love, Berman suggests taking time to flip through old photo albums. For those tech-savvy couples, scrolling through your iPad albums can be just as romantic.

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Not feeling your post-baby bod? Use your 20-minute workout window as a way to sneak in 20 minutes alone with your hubby. “Something, like going for a walk, is a great date activity,” Berman says.

You’ve made it to date night. Now don’t spoil it. “Topics that kill a date night are things like talking about poop—that is a big one,” says Berman, who points out that complaining about your post-baby body to your spouse and talking about money are also romance busters. “Keep date night light, loving and fun.”

Date night is all about grownups getting time to be grown up. It’s your chance to skip the conversation on crayons and focus on what interests you at the moment. “Try to avoid the big, serious, intense discussions,” Berman says. “Focusing date night topics on news, politics, friends, family or a funny story you heard works far better.”

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Don’t forget to sneak in the daily doses of love, like a sweet text or a quick passing kiss in the hallway or a hug hello. “Taking 20 minutes a day where the phone is off and the couple talks face-to-face is very rewarding for the relationship,” says Berman. “Physical touch and affection—even just holding hands—goes a long way, too.”