Strange things happened after I gave birth to my son. Besides my straight hair suddenly turning curly and my nipples becoming the size of pancakes, my insides began changing, too. While most of my new-mom feels ebbed and flowed, there was one, in particular, that I couldn’t shake: a deep need to move closer to my parents.
I love my hometown and never gave up a chance to visit Louisville, Kentucky, but for close to 20 years, my home was in Los Angeles. I hadn’t given much thought to a cross-country move, but when my son was born, I craved way more sleep and way more grandparents. As my kid went from newborn diapers all the way to Pull-Ups, I waited for this feeling to let go — but it never did. The big question became: Did my husband feel the same way?
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“So, how do you feel about moving?” I’d ask my husband on date nights or family walks. He got used to hearing this at the most random of times, and over several years his response went from nervous laughter to serious consideration. The reasons I gave him for making the move also moved his thinking.
So, here are some of my biggest reasons for wanting to move closer to my family:
1. Babysitting
Knowing my parents were ready and willing to help with pick-ups, date nights, and all the unexpected events that go along with parenting alleviated the pressure of going it alone. Having instant backup if we moved home was a huge plus when considering whether to stay or go.
2. Emotional support
After giving birth, my need to pee decreased, but a deep desire to feel supported increased. Video chats and 3.7-second distracted phone calls while stopping my toddler from eating the blocks we were stacking didn’t help as much as when my parents and I shared the same space. Their immediate support and validation increased my confidence as a parent, and watching them encourage my son in real time further fueled my desire to move.
3. Connection
Parenting brought out the self-doubt, and connecting to a family I trusted eased that for me. It’s been shown that connecting with others can lower anxiety and boost self-confidence. This is something I wanted not only for myself but also for my kiddo. Maintaining a connection with the grandparents was a way to bolster my son’s self-esteem and, of course, his sugar intake from all the baked goods his grandparents gave him.
4. Insight
When it came to parenting, the wisdom my parents offered was invaluable. It was better than any parenting book and more relatable than any convo I had with my mom friends. Being able to have my parents whisper helpful phrases and thoughtful solutions into my ear was better than any phone call after the fact.
5. Comfort
My parents offered me a sense of safety that, well… made me feel safe. I felt protected and secure when I was near them and that allowed me to pass on these same feelings to my little guy. If we moved, my son’s security net could extend beyond his dad and me and include his grandparents.
After listing all of my reasons for wanting to move, my husband began to seriously consider a life with more family and less traffic. We started these talks when my son was born, and when he was age 5, we decided to take a leap, pack our stuff, and make the big move. That was four years ago, and we couldn’t be happier with our decision. My kid is growing up with the benefits of grandparents close by, and we all have more love, more connection, and more baked goods in our lives.
