
“Honey, what would you like to do on Mother’s Day?” my husband asked.
My body went stiff. My stomach started to boil like the pasta I was stirring on the stove. The question was asked innocently, but after an intense year of making all the plans — which included our kid’s remote learning and all of our grown-up schedules — I was looking forward to giving my overworked brain some downtime. Now that wasn’t happening.
Had I set my expectations too high, hoping my family might take over the arrangements of my one official day off?
Generally speaking, I’m the planner in the family
The reason behind this is because I plan things. Back in grade school, I discovered I had a gift for organizing when I compared my color-coded homework lists with other kids who tried to wing it. As I grew up, keeping life organized kept me feeling accomplished — and arriving at places on time. Then I met my husband — a man who taught me a more efficient way to strategize dishwasher loading. Our early married life kept a balance that had us responsible for scheduling ourselves — until we had a baby.
“Honey, what’s the baby’s plan today?” My husband has asked me every day since our son’s birth.
My hubby was great at keeping track of his own plans, and possibly mine, but add a third color to our color-coded calendar and he became colorblind. With more going on in our lives than just us, my super-mom brain was better equipped to handle all the tasks. So I kept on coordinating, and my husband kept letting me.
“Mom, what’s my plan today?” my son asked
Alright, to be fair I don’t expect my 7-year-old to know his remote learning schedule. As soon as quarantine started, I stepped in as my kid’s personal assistant, homeroom teacher, and our household manager.
I figured my overworked brain would be overwhelmed for a few months. Those months turned into a year. Where once my schedule helped me feel grounded, now someone asking, “What’s my plan?” makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious, and wanting to turnin my colored markers.
The expectations I’ve set for myself in the planning department are high
I want my family to succeed, and my skills usually help them on their way. But after a year of managing, the likes of which my brain has never seen, it needs a day off. Maybe I’m expecting too much of myself on a daily basis. Or am I expecting too much of my husband to pencil one in for me?
“What do you want to do for Mother’s Day?” lingered as I watched the boiling pasta water go down the drain. I wanted to get rid of the boiling feeling in my stomach too. I’d been so looking forward to Mother’s Day — until it seemed like just another day for me to plan and schedule. So, I did what I do best. I organized — but this time it was a conversation.
“Honey, can we plan some time to talk about our plans?” I asked.
My husband listened as I explained that being the only manager on duty here has depleted my mental reserves. I needed some help with all the scheduling — not only for Mother's Day but for every day. Thankfully, he understood. The good news is I'm expecting not to answer the "What I want to for Mother's Day" question and that's definitely a happy Mother's Day for me.