You’re so lucky.
Must be nice.
What do you do with all that free time?
Comments like these used to come my way whenever people heard that I work from home — which I’ve been doing since my kids were born over a decade ago. Why is it that everyone seems to think being home all day is synonymous with some sort of clandestine luxury? Hence the misguided notion that moms eat bonbons on the couch while watching soap operas with their feet up to pass the time. But if there’s one silver lining to this pandemic, it’s that no one will ever wonder again just what I — and all the other stay-at-home parents — do all day.
The veil has finally been lifted
What the global population has been experiencing for the past year as a result of the shelter-in-place orders and widespread adoption of working from home is what stay-at-home moms have been doing since the dawn of time: working our tails off for little to no recognition or compensation. People look down their noses at us, like we’re not doing enough if our paycheck doesn’t have enough zeros, or if we don’t even earn a paycheck for the priceless work we’re doing.
Now the mystery has been solved and all have become privy to the endless juggling act of invisible obligations that take place behind closed doors — a continuous loop of meal prep, dirty dishes, doling out snacks, and doing laundry — stirred into a constantly churning melting pot of to-dos punctuated by sibling rivalry, toddler tantrums, and baby diaper blowouts. There’s no clocking in or out and there are no sick days.
You’re just on full-time, indefinitely
Of course, there’s also the most important responsibility any one person can have on their plate: raising good humans. But since this colossal part of a stay-at-home parent’s work can’t be quantified, it somehow fails to register in the eyes of society.
Now that my husband and kids have been home for a year and counting, there’s a better understanding of what goes in to maintaining a household, and my kids see with their own eyes the things that used to just “magically” get done for them: clean bed sheets and towels, room straightening, freshly laundered clothing in dresser drawers. A silver lining is that both my son and daughter have majorly upped their contributions to the daily flow of our home, which will make them more equipped, more understanding partners for their future mates.
I’ve been trying to explain forever that working from home isn’t glamorous
There’s no office door that closes behind you at the end of the day to usher you out of the work setting and into your home life. The line that delineates work from home simply doesn’t exist. All parents have recently learned this fact. I used to be jealous that my husband got to leave his job and just be “Dad” at home. But now with smartphones and telecommuting we’re always just a call, text, or urgent email away. We all now know what it’s like to be “on” nonstop.
This past year has leveled the playing field and we’ve recognized each other’s humanity more. We’ve seen fellow co-workers and even TV news anchors’ kids crashing Zoom calls and live telecasts, and had our work interrupted by barking dogs and doorbells. Maybe now we can appreciate the common thread that binds us as stay-at-home parents. We’re all just trying to do our best to manage an unseen life that has now been brought to light.
It should have never been so hidden in the first place
The one thing that will always remain from this year of working from home and homeschooling for many parents is the irreplaceable gift of time spent with their kids. A cherished commodity that stay-at-home parents have in spades.
Hopefully when things get back to “normal,” whatever that may be, the workplace will become a community of people who support and empathize with each other’s home life and child-rearing needs. With any luck, women won’t be the only ones having to sacrifice their careers to raise families, managers will be more sensitive to moms and dads needing to leave early for their kid’s school concert, and bosses won’t hesitate to let people work from home when their kids are sick.
I hope stay-at-home parents finally get some long overdue grace and respect, now that the world has had a chance to walk in our slippers and see they’re not as cozy as people might think.
