7 Ways I Supported My Best Friend Through Her Miscarriage

I remember assuring her it would be okay even though I wasn’t 100% sure of that myself. I remember telling her I’d take care of her even though I didn’t know exactly how. I remember wanting to fix it all and feeling lost and worried.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to be talking about new, awesome gadgets for her baby registry. We were supposed to be texting baby name ideas back and forth. I was definitely not supposed to be Googling how a normal miscarriage progresses.

I’m sure I said some wrong things in my desperate attempt to comfort her, but it was all from the very best place in my heart. I wanted to help her walk through this tragedy, I wanted to make her miscarriage experience as palpable as it could be. But how exactly?

In our conversations since, she affirmed that I did say and do some things that were just right. Not a fix, but enough to say, “I’m here, I’ve got you, you will make it through this, and you don’t have to do any of it alone.”

Here’s how I supported my best friend through her miscarriage. Maybe it will give you an idea or two on how to love those you know who will walk this road too.

Everyone needs food, even when they’re in the midst of a crisis. And if they don’t have an appetite, their family most likely does.

So, phrase it like this, “I can bring pizza over tonight or I’ve got chicken noodle soup on the menu tomorrow and I can bring that over if you’d prefer soup. Yes to pizza? Yes to soup? Ok to bring both?”

If your friend has other kids do not leave her to parent while she’s miscarrying. Scoop them up, their school stuff, the schedule of where they need to be and when, and get it done.

Let her rest knowing her kids are well taken care of.

There is really no occasion that doesn’t warrant a gift. A gift says, “I’m thinking of you, I care about you”. Opt for a self-care item, something she wouldn’t splurge on for herself.

Or something in remembrance of her baby – a necklace, plant, or piece of artwork.

When miscarrying, you pause but life doesn’t stop. Often moms rush to get back on their feet so as to not get more behind, which is counterproductive to both their physical and emotional recovery. Alleviate the rush by popping in every few days to flip and fold laundry, mop the kitchen floor, or clean a bathroom.

If you’d rather, text a group of your friends and rally contributions for a full house cleaning (when everyone chips in a little, you can cover a lot, and most likely many are wondering how they can offer love and support). It would even be a nice gesture to pick up their car and take it for a wash and vacuum. Any act of service that says sit and rest, I can take something off your plate.

If your friend had chosen a name or knew baby’s sex, be intentional about saying it out loud. Speaking their name or using he/she acknowledges their existence and importance.

Whether you light a candle in their honor on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15th) or another day that’s important – snap a photo and let them know – this is for you and your little one, I remember, I love them too.

Loss doesn’t hurt once. After a miscarriage there’s the season you would have been hosting a shower, then the expected due date, and each year that passes brings an anniversary. Mark those dates on your calendar.

Remember them like you remember her birthday. Always acknowledge those hard days.