10 Messages That You Didn’t Realize Harm Your Body Image

The body mass index has been called an "outdated and misleading" way to determine whether someone is carrying around too much fat. And yet, doctors, insurance brokers and many P.E. teachers still use it as an indicator of good health. Its clear demarcations of normal, overweight and obese—and its lack of regard for skeletal frame and musculature—stick in our minds and shape how we think about our bodies.

Fit bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but you wouldn't know that from looking at health magazines and websites. There seems to be one size and shape in particular that has been deemed "in good health" and "fit, like you should be." But not everyone is built that same way. The messaging is clear, even if the facts are not.

Vertical stripes are slimming, shapewear gets the curves where you want them, a statement necklace draws the eyes up and away from your flaws. These rules for getting dressed reinforce the idea that you should want to be slim, even when you are not. Or that your curves are anywhere other than where they should be.

Flatter abs, skinnier thighs, leaner arms in 30 days! Targeted exercises have a way of convincing us that we can—and should!—change characteristics of the bodies that we were born with. Sure, exercising and strengthening muscles are great for health, well-being and flexibility. But just under the surface of a fit trainer's video is the message that, if you just tried, you could change how you are.

The clean-eating trend is great for getting us to eat more fresh vegetables and fruits. But the name alone is sneaky: If you're not putting "clean" food in your body, you're putting "dirty" food in it. The message is that, therefore, your body is yucky.

As with clean eating, going on a detox assumes that your body is filled with toxins that it is incapable of clearing out. (A job that your kidneys and liver know how to do.) Detoxing tells us that foods we enjoy are mucking up the works. Juice-cleanse detoxes send the message that food—real food—is nothing in comparison to spare juices and feeling like you're starving.

Women who don't fit the 00-14 sizing are, of course, glad to have options in the form of "plus" sizes. But the term, the separate section in stores and the hint of shame around these clothes send a message of exclusion, separateness and difference.

Being pushed to eat salads for lunch when what you really want is a burger, or being told to eliminate carbs or meat or fats or gluten—without any health indications for doing so—are subtle messages that women frequently get about their choices if they want to have the "ideal" body. And there's rarely a question about whether they want that ideal body.

Poems, love songs, literature, television are filled with small, delicate, finely featured women. Shoe stores are filled with thin-strapped, narrow-soled shoes. We're a society that loves the interchangeability of soft and feminine. But what message does that send to women with big feet, muscular skeletons, large heads and loud mouths? Can't they be feminine, too?

Girls night out and you're with your besties. You've plowed through a huge meal and a ton of drinks when the waiter shows up with dessert menus and offers a slice of cake with a round of forks. The shared dessert is hardly a crime—but assuming a bunch of women want that sort of is.