Before I start, let me admit that I only have a preschooler. I feel AWFUL for all you mamas juggling older kids’ schoolwork right now — or multiple kids’ schoolwork.
If you’re anything like me, you totally suck at homeschooling
This realization hit me the other day when my son’s teacher called, saying he’d have a month's worth of play-based activities to hand out to my son and his classmates in a few days.
“Oh, awesome!” I said, a wave of guilt rolling through me. Why? Because I barely even touched the first packet the school sent out … the one that was supposed to be done in a week.
Later on in the week, we watched a circle time video the teacher posted, and it made my son brilliantly happy. He thought he was actually seeing the teacher and said, “Hi Mr. Ian!”
But 10 minutes into limping through a craft after circle time, my kiddo abruptly crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head.
He’d already taken his nap
I asked him what was wrong. He didn’t reply. I said, “Do you miss school? Are you feeling sad?”
His face crumpled and my heart broke.
See, the hardest thing about forced homeschooling is that we don’t want this ghost of school.
We want the real thing: the flesh-and-blood teachers who always respond. The cluster of precious friends. The real circle time, followed by snack time, followed by free play.
I deeply appreciate how hard teachers everywhere are working to keep kids feeling connected. And, in recent days, I’ve gotten better at whipping up a little bit of schooltime magic for my son — thanks to that monthlong packet, daily circle time videos, and even a really adorable weekly Zoom meeting where my boy gets to see his friends and teachers.
But it’s tough
Every time we do school, both my preschooler and I feel emotionally drained. Each school session is a sweet reminder that he’s still part of something wonderful. It’s also a sharp reminder of what we’ve lost.
Here in Alaska, the governor has canceled in-person school for the rest of the school year. My little guy got to do three months of his special-ed preschool before the outbreak stole something so, so good from him.
I’m terribly anxious that we won’t get to start back up in the fall. I know I’m not alone. Some of you mamas are struggling because school is so overwhelming. Your kids are expected to learn things and earn grades in depressingly crappy circumstances. Your seniors are mourning the loss of those hallmark final events of high school.
Some of you are like me
You’re terrible at helping your preschooler or elementary kid do crafts. Teachers are infinitely more patient with glue, paint, and scissors than I am. Or maybe you are losing your cool with your kid’s math or English homework and you’re just done.
I don’t have any good answers and I’m not here to tell you that everything will be OK, even though I hope it will be.
I just want you to know that I suck at this just as much as you do. If you’re thriving, that’s great. I’m truly happy for you.
But to all you mamas who are seriously struggling, know that you are not alone.
The day I send my son to school again will be infinitely sweet, but right now it feels like a pipe dream. I want to set my hopes on September, but I know that could get yanked away too.
So, for now, I do my best to surface from the pool of worry and sorrow in my heart and hobble through some school activities with my little guy who hasn’t seen another child or adult in one solid month.
That is not normal. Nothing about this is ideal.
And, because of that, you have permission to be a crappy homeschooling mom too.
