I went to grab a coffee with a good friend the other day and we were discussing our relationships. She's been married for over 10 years and says she was having a day where she didn’t want to be married.
I asked her if she and her husband were fighting, or if there was a big issue and she said no.
“I’m just missing being single and being able to do what I wanted without having to consult another person”
She is at the peak of her career and is feeling overwhelmed with housework and trying to keep up with life. She wants to get a housekeeper and he doesn’t want to spend money on that, so it’s been an ongoing source of tension in their marriage. She also wants to travel a bit more and he has a busy practice and it’s hard for him to take time off work.
Then, I was talking to another friend of mine who has a blended family and she was saying the same thing. “It’s so hard to coordinate with everyone’s schedules and my husband’s custody schedule. It was so much easier when I was single with the kids and I only had to adhere to my ex’s schedule. This is craziness,” she said.
While I love my boyfriend very much, I’ve had similar thoughts, too. When I was single, I wanted nothing more than to meet a wonderful man who would accept me and my kids just as we are.
I’ve found that being in a relationship is not all rainbows and sunshine all the time
The thing is, when you are a couple it's about two people, not just one. Sure, you can still do whatever you want without checking in with someone else but more times than not, that’s not the best way to nurture your relationship.
What I’ve come to realize, after having these fantasies about how much easier life was when all I had to do was think about myself and what I want, is this:
Dreaming about your single days every now and again is perfectly normal
It’s not always easy to come to a compromise with another person. We all have those days when we just want to pick up and do our own thing. We all have crushes on people who aren’t our partner, or find ourselves thinking the grass would be greener if we didn’t have to coordinate a schedule, or we could pick any paint color we wanted for the walls.
Once we normalize this we will see that it’s just a thought
It doesn't necessarily mean we want to leave our partners or make us bad people.
If the good days outnumber the bad and if you find yourself, more often than not, being thankful you have a safe place to come to after a hard day, and your partner enhances your life — that’s a pretty good indicator you don’t have to worry about missing your single days.
Take it from someone who has been divorced — when you don’t want to be married or partnered any longer you will know. Your entire body and mind will be consumed with that decision.
So, if you are worrying about a fantasy about someone else, or are thinking about how much easier your life used to be, and also finding that venting about it or reconnecting with your partner makes you feel better and thankful to have the relationship you do — don’t worry.
Everyone has these thoughts and it’s perfectly normal.
