On the morning of November 26, 2020, I woke up late, watched some TV, and cuddled with my cats. My husband and my daughter had left the house around five that morning to go hunting, an extremely socially distanced activity. When I felt like it, I got up and turned on NPR while I ate a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats and sipped my coffee. “A very happy Thanksgiving to everyone,” the commentator said before launching into the news.
Oh, right, I thought. It’s Thanksgiving.
Wait, am I supposed to be doing something?
I have ADHD, so I have panic moments like this all the time. I have to flip back through my memory and then go through my phone to-do lists and calendars. Turns out, the only things on my agenda for the day were canning garden carrots I hadn’t gotten to yet, and the Thanksgiving video call at 2 p.m. with my family. If my husband and daughter get lucky, I might have to help them pluck a goose or a duck. If they got extremely lucky, a turkey.
When I was done with my cereal, I flipped through social media for a while. So many posts about people not doing Thanksgiving for health reasons. I was proud of them for making the right decision, the decision we made, and I felt for them. A lot of folks rely on holidays like these for meaningful family time. I’m lucky that my brother and my parents live in the next town over, so, in a theoretical pandemic-free world, I could see them whenever I wanted.
I felt a little guilty, seeing those posts. Because, as I sat there with my coffee and my cats, some Christmas music on in the background, I was happy as a clam with Thanksgiving being just what it is this year. As in, not really happening. I am 100% cool with this. I am vibing to the zero Thanksgiving policy. And you know what? I’m kinda feeling like Christmas could go the same way!
Hear me out: Let’s face it, holidays are stressful
For a concept that’s supposed to be about family, togetherness, and blowing off steam from life’s troubles, they can sure be a pain in the rear. We were supposed to host Thanksgiving this year because we have the room to socially distance three families at three separate tables while eating. Each of us were going to bring our own food and at least be able to eat in the same vicinity, and maybe watch some football from opposite parts of the sectional.
Sounds pretty low-key, right? Yeah, no. As usual, the expectations of home and holiday fall on the woman in the relationship. While my husband planned his annual Thanksgiving hunting trip, it would have been my job to get the house ready. He loves to cook, so I’d be getting help there, but when you use the good china, it can’t go in the dishwasher. Ugh.
I was resigned to spending the 25th — my first day off work for the holiday — prepping the house, deciding what to wear. Not to mention the additional preparation to make sure that we were being COVID-19 safe. And as of the 25th, I still hadn’t taken the Halloween decorations down.
During a normal year, I would be happy to do all these things
Except this isn’t a normal year.
I’ve been doing my job, plus teaching the classes of a colleague who has been hospitalized with a bad case of the coronavirus. On top of that, our school went online a week ago, so I’m homeschooling, teaching science (not my certification!), and being an at-risk coordinator/instructional coach.
I’m pooped!
So I was 100% OK with Thanksgiving being virtual this year. I only took down the Halloween decorations that would've be in the camera angle, and dumped them unceremoniously in the corner. We only had to cook for our family of three, and we still got to eat with our family — even if they’re not in the room. Of course, I missed eating all the lovely things my mom and sister-in-law make. I do get tired of my own cooking, but then again, it’s worth it to remove the pressure of having people over, and trying to curate the perfect holiday, when we all know that doesn’t exist.
In the end, it’s just a day
You can add whatever significance you want to it, and in this pandemic, you can add the significance without the stress. Concentrate not on what you’re missing, but on what you’re gaining. As we plan our virtual Christmas, I’m already looking forward to having time over the holiday break to de-stress instead of making a ton of extra work for myself.
Here’s to a stress-free holiday season, where we can use technology to do all the good stuff, and skip the rest — because we need all the silver linings we can get right now.
