One of my divorced friends met someone after being in the dating scene for about four years. A few months after they started seeing each other, he had a get-together at his house and one of his friends came over and brought his sister.
She told me that as the sister and her man were chatting, she became increasingly uncomfortable. “There was something about their chemistry I didn’t like, and he didn’t introduce me to her for about two hours.”
At first she chalked it up to the two of them being busy and doing their own thing — she had invited two of her girlfriends and they were talking in the corner. But then she saw the woman touching and squeezing her boyfriend’s arm.
“It was obvious she was hitting on him”
Her boyfriend seemed noticeably uncomfortable, moved away, and started talking with one of his friends. It wasn’t long before the woman came back over to him and started talking and flirting again.
“He didn’t cross a line, but I still didn’t like what was going on.”
When she later asked him why he didn’t stop the flirting, or at least mention he had a girlfriend who was, in fact, there at the party, he told her that he didn’t want to be rude or hurt her feelings.
I couldn’t hold my tongue
“So, he wanted to spare her feelings, but not yours?” I asked.
He also said that he wished my friend would've come up and said something to the woman, or walked over, put her arm around him, and introduced herself as his girlfriend.
I realize some women would just do this — it’s their personality, they're really confident, and have no problem letting another woman know the person they are flirting with is their person. However, my friend isn’t like this. Nor should she have to be.
I’m not even the tiniest bit sorry for saying this: if someone is hitting on or flirting with your partner, it’s not up to you to break it up and tell them they're actually taken. It’s your partner’s responsibility to tell them and make sure your feelings are accounted for.
My husband had an affair when we were married. I don’t put all the blame on her — it was up to him to make it very clear he wasn’t available for extracurricular activities. It wasn’t my job to reel her in, it was his.
Ask yourself this, ladies: Would you stand there and let someone disrespect you, not say anything, and just hope your partner comes in to take care of it for you?
No, it’s your job to manage that
And if you have a partner who sees it and steps in, it’s up to you to stick up for yourself and not let things get out of hand. There are times they might not notice, or might not be there.
If your husband or boyfriend is going to stand there and not do anything about a woman who’s hitting on them when you're standing right there, what would they do when you aren’t there?
I get that it may be uncomfortable to say something, but they don’t have to be mean about it. They can just say, “Oh, my girlfriend likes that place,” or “My girlfriend has a necklace like that,” just something to let them know they aren’t free tonight, tomorrow, or next week.
Making you feel comfortable and secure should be in the forefront of your partner's mind — not worrying about if they are going to hurt someone else’s feelings. When that happens, they're sacrificing their comfort level for your trust and, really, that’s not OK.
