I knew I had a serious addiction to my cell phone when my 7-year-old hid it from me in early December… and I screamed at her.
Truthfully, I didn’t mean to turn into a phone addict
I was so lonely and bored in the pandemic — like everyone else — that my FOMO and mood swings kicked in hard. I was bored, angry, pissed, annoyed, and scared. I was so eager to text with family and friends, and felt like I was “missing out” on gossip or news if I didn’t immediately text back friends. I even found myself watching YouTube videos of reality shows like The Masked Singer (don’t judge!) for hours because I needed something random and meaningless to focus on that didn’t stress me out between homeschooling and COVID-19.
But still, quarantine was no excuse to keep my head down, staring at the small screen of my iPhone for hours just waiting for… what, exactly? Or watching… what, exactly? Was I that bored? In need of entertainment? What was I seeking from my cell phone? Love? Acceptance? An escape from my kids?
Laundry piled up, I ordered in meals more often, and I zoned out in front of my kids because I was on my butt, on my phone. I feel terrible about the number of times my older child wanted me to play Barbies or Monopoly Junior with her and I shrugged her off or even got snippy with her because I was on my phone, dawdling and wasting time on Instagram or reading E! News. Even my work fell by the wayside.
I am not proud of this at all
Ironically, my 2020 New Year’s resolution had been to be more present with my kids. And I had been doing it. Previously, my phone would die at home, and I would actually go an hour or two without charging it at all. I would remind myself how much more chores and writing work I could accomplish if I just took my eyeballs away from my phone screen — and I did it. I felt like a more focused parent and was proud of myself.
Until the pandemic hit
Then the addiction started.
When my older child grabbed my phone out of my hands and refused to give it back recently, it was the wake-up call I needed. I let her keep my phone hidden (in her toy chest), gave her a huge hug, and vowed to be a better, more attentive mom.
I had been craving connections with friends and relatives, when the people who really needed me where literally my own children. I felt awful, and even my husband commented on how I was always on my phone, super distracted, and grumpy.
It was time to make a change
In general, my brain runs a mile a minute, and in 2021 my goal is to put my phone down, leave it off, and zero in on playtime with my kids, who made it very clear that they need me, not very-distracted-always-on-her-phone me.
In truth, I need them as well — our family time during quarantine has been tough, but much needed. As I type this, my phone is charging in my bedroom, completely off, and you know what? I don’t miss it one bit.
