After completing the 27th step in my son’s bedtime ritual, I said goodnight and went to find my husband. I was exhausted, but instead of sneaking off to bed alone, I figured it would be nice to spend a cuddly, romantic moment together. Collapsing onto the couch, we stared at the TV — until I fell asleep before the first commercial break. It seems we may have forgotten how to “do the romance” — and I’m kind of missing it.
“I don’t want to get married and forget how to connect with you,” my fiancé said before he became my husband.
I held my fiancé's hand and reassured him this wouldn’t happen
I mean, we were the “cool couple” who knew how to “relationship.” I told him we’d always make a point of connecting. And we did OK when it came to taking time out during busy schedules for date nights and lazy mornings in bed. Rushing out the door, we’d even rush back for goodbye kisses. Clearly, we had the romance of daily life down.
“I don’t want to become a parent and forget how to connect with you,” my husband said before he became a dad.
I held my husband’s hand and reassured him this wouldn’t happen. I reminded him of how cool we were, and that we had the romance skills to survive any bump in the road — including a baby bump.
In the beginning of parenthood, we managed to steal time for one another — even with a newborn being the total boss of us
But not long after, those lazy mornings in bed turned into my naptimes. And instead of rushing back for goodbye kisses, we rushed back for the diaper bag. Clearly, we weren’t as cool as I thought.
One morning I woke up, and our kid was 8 years old… well, it seemed that sudden anyway — probably from lack of sleep. I saw how my husband and I had settled into a routine where our tender expressions of love were replaced by tender discussions of parenting schedules. Had I promised my husband the impossible?
Had our ability “to do the romance” been thrown out with our son’s diaper bag?
My partner is still my BFF. It’s this friendship that got us through worrying about how to care for our son and worrying about how to care for each other — and I wouldn’t change that. But I miss the times when a cuddle or sappy sentiment was spontaneous. I end up feeling lonely without them. Those thoughtful acts keep our relationship feeling significant and provides me with a sense of belonging. Was it too late to put back those daily gestures that the business of parenting had replaced?
So, I tried to rewind to the days when romance came as easy as staying up past 8:30 p.m.
Once again, I gazed lovingly into my husband's eyes, and instead of returning my gaze, he asked if we were having a staring contest. I ran back to give him goodbye kisses and he thanked me for the extra Chapstick. It had been so long, he didn’t even notice.
I thought stepping back into our old mushy habits would be an easy fix, but I guess even the best of habits can fizzle when not practiced. So, now my husband and I are working on finding those little romantic touches, because as it turns out, he missed them too. Maybe it’s not too late for us to be “cool” again. At the end of the day, that spark of romance needs to be carefully cultivated — before we both fall asleep on the couch.
