I know, what does a life coach really do anyways, right? Well, here's the short version: I hired a life coach for guidance on my career and ended up learning that my husband is right about me. Yes, I painfully just said it!
To back it up a litle, many of our marital tiffs involved my husband telling me that I’m impatient. And I know it (and partially blame my anxiety), but now that I’ve gotten professionally analyzed, I understand why and what steps I can take to not only handle stress better but also to feel less disappointed in all of my relationships.
I didn’t expect to learn that about myself when I first began my coaching journey, but it turns out that by getting an outside perspective, the view from inside shines a new ray of light.
I contacted Jessica Lynn Coaching and took the Energy Leadership Index™ assessment to understand my strengths and weaknesses, and how I process negative and positive energy. I was hoping to get a roadmap for how to go full-speed ahead dream chasing while also being a full-time working mom of two who is present for everything and ensures her kids also live their lives to their fullest, even at ages 4 and 6. Sounds lofty, but I work as a publicist for self-help authors, so self-improvement and conquering the impossible always top my vision boards.
After Jessica analyzed my results, we met on Zoom
Here’s what I expected to hear:
“You’re an optimistic, goal-oriented force who inspires those around you. The world is yours for the taking, but you need to develop a plan to get there. You have anxiety, but you are doing well managing it.”
Here’s a summary of what I got instead:
• I have high expectations of myself and hold other people up to those standards as well. When those expectations are not met, I feel frustrated. My passion for pushing those to greatness can sometimes create unrealistic expectations and ultimately resentment. Example: I don’t understand why friends stay in jobs or relationships that don’t make them happy, and why they don’t take steps to improve their lives. When someone becomes a constant complainer, I tend to stop engaging in conversation.
• Acceptance and letting go of expectations could allow me to feel less frustrated in moments where those standards aren’t being met. Example: It’s really important for me to stay in touch with my friends, no matter how busy life gets. But I often find that I am the one initiating the “how are you doing?” text messages and get upset when no one checks in on me, or they rely on my social posts for updates. I can benefit from accepting others as they are and use my powerful strength of inspiration to help others find their way.
• While my opportunistic ambition and courage are powerful forces driving me, they can also hinder me from accomplishing goals. By working backward, from my desired outcome, I can gain more clarity on what my true goal is and set realistic steps to create a plan. Example: I tend to get an idea and act to make my dream a reality right away. I’m super motivated, but need to act with less impulse and more logic. (Said no creative force, ever!)
• I have high levels of empathetic energy and when I am under stress, I go to a place of compassion. Example: Every time I cry seeing a sad social media post and then turn off my phone and vow to delete the Facebook app from my phone. I need to take things less personally.
• When I am under stress, I always look for a solution and don’t tolerate it. Example: I wrote a book to help me deal with divorce in my 20s. And to deal with anxiety over my health issues, I wrote a children’s book filled with valuable life lessons for my kids.
Speaking with a life coach reaffirmed a lot that I know about myself...
…like I am living a powerful and purposeful life and co-creating my life experience. I can find opportunity in good and bad, and pioneer something from nothing. But it also taught me that with all the ambition I have, I need to find grace and forgive myself for not doing things immediately. Also, I can’t expect everyone to read an inspirational quote and embark on a life-changing mission.
I give my all to everything because that’s who I am, but by putting less pressure on myself and lowering my expectations of others, I might just feel less disappointed in relationships. And as soon as I can learn these lessons and start applying them to my life, things will go back to as they should be: I’ll be right instead of my husband.
