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With so many daily interactions, it’s inevitable that one or another mom in the conversation will say something silly, put her foot in her mouth, or be downright insensitive and wrong.
Once when I was on the playground, a parent commented on how well behaved my kids were, as if my young Black boys were expected to behave any other way. I took it as an offensive comment, because this mom probably wouldn’t have said that to another child of her same race.
I didn’t get a chance to say anything back, and luckily, I haven’t seen her again, so I haven’t had to deal with the problem. But there are plenty of other parents I meet who can sometimes be awkward or insensitive.
These insensitive comments aren’t always racist and don’t necessarily involve a microaggression, as in the above scenario. It could be an insensitive comment about me being a working mom, or me being a mom who cooks certain meals for my family, or I might be feeling a particular emotion that’s frowned upon. There are so many scenarios that can create offense.
If you’re on the giving end of the insensitive comment, then you’re starting in the right place by figuring out what to do next to repair the relationship and move forward.
1. Forgive yourself after you've identified the mistake
There will be a moment when you don’t feel great about the interaction and want it to just be over. In these times, don’t keep punishing yourself for what was said. Instead, forgive yourself because you’re on the way to learning from this experience and coming out better. Not everyone knows when they’ve been insensitive or inappropriate, and this awareness is a great starting point.
2. Learn and educate yourself
There are plenty of ways that you can be educated on why what you said was insensitive, so don’t look to the victim to be educated. The victim in this situation has just been offended, so the onus is on you to learn why what you said was hurtful. Read, listen, and engage with experts and qualified sources for this information. Keep the burden of doing better on yourself. This is a chance for you to grow and learn how to communicate more effectively and show empathy.
3. Follow up
These situations can be difficult when it’s time to move forward if you ignore the issue or gloss over what happened. Following up with the other parent and letting them know that you realize your mistake and that a rift has happened is the most mature thing you can do.
When following up and reaching out, explain that you know it was wrong and you want to continue to be able to communicate. However, understand that the other parent might need space or want a little room to manage feelings and expectations.
All doesn’t have to be lost if you find yourself in a sticky situation
If you are talking with another parent, chances are they can understand that we’re all a little more sensitive to our tone and communication these days. If you follow these steps, you’ll be showing how you can gracefully acknowledge any mistakes. Many times, the aftermath holds more influence than the actual incident – what we remember is how things were or were not repaired when we’ve been offended. You’ll be in good shape after this for your next conversation.
