On my first Mother’s Day, I was pregnant — 9 months, 2 days, 8 hours, and 37 seconds pregnant, but who was counting? While my swollen feet and I rested on the couch eating pregnancy-safe cheese, my husband handed me a Mother’s Day card. A nervous rush of excitement and fear took over as I ripped open the envelope. I couldn’t help but wonder how I’d feel a year from now. What would my first official Mother’s Day be like?
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Five days later, I went into labor and motherhood kicked in full-force. Along with new pairs of mom jeans, other things showed up, like sleepless nights, worries, and guilt.
Occasionally, while in the middle of experiencing these firsts, I’d think about how my first official Mother's Day would go down. And after it actually rolled around, I realized I had no memory of it. Did I wear my mom jeans? Was I too sleep-deprived to remember? Did guilt keep me from fully engaging? I don’t know, but I hope it was a good day.
If I could go back and have a little talk with my sleepy new-mom self, I’d give her a few gentle Mother’s Day to-do hints. Here are the top tips I’d share so I could fully enjoy a day all about, well, me.
Ask for what I need
During my first year of motherhood, I became our family planner almost as quickly as I became sleepy. I organized my son’s naps, feedings, outdoor time, baths, and everything else. I was pretty good at asking for whatever my son needed, but not so good at asking for whatever I needed.
I’d whisper to myself on that first Mother’s Day that it's OK to ask for what would’ve supported me emotionally and physically. Whether it was a couple of hours to myself or the luxury of peeing uninterrupted.
A day free of mom guilt
If you were to do an internet search on mom guilt, you’d find a recent poll that says 94% of all moms experience some kind of “parenting-related guilt” during their motherhood journey. Sure, the world will tell you math isn’t my strong suit, but this seems like a super high number.
My first year of mom-ing, I was definitely a member of the Mom Guilt Club more often than not, which made it hard to fully enjoy Mother’s Day. Guilt can be tough to let go of, and for this very reason, I’d tell myself to use this one day to let it go and dive into what brings me joy, guilt-free.
Appreciate all that I do for my family
For my son’s first year of life, I was in survival mode. While I remember taking time to soak up his firsts, like his first giggle and first words, I didn’t take the time to give myself a pat on the back for the stellar job I was doing.
Self-appreciation builds confidence and compassion, so I'd remind myself I'm doing a fabulous job at this whole mom-ing gig on my first Mother’s Day and every day.
