Dear Guilt-Ridden First-Time Parent,
I know you feel guilty when you're unsure why the baby is crying. I know you feel guilty when your child comes home from daycare with a fever and a stuffed-up nose. I know you feel guilty when your partner comes home from work, the house isn't clean, dinner isn't made, you and the baby are covered in spit-up, and god knows what other bodily fluids. I know you feel guilty for wishing your baby would sleep longer so you can get a break or get something (anything) done. I know some days are more complicated than others.
That doesn't make you a bad parent
I only know how you feel because I feel that way too. When we hear other parents explain how guilty they feel and that they're terrible parents, we're quick to tell them that they're the absolute best. We tell them that feeling wrong about anything at all is what makes them the best. So why can't we say that to ourselves? For every other parent or guardian who feels terrible about their parenting skills, we help where we can.
I believe that it's time to start helping ourselves, too
There's a famous saying that I'm sure everybody has heard at least once in their lifetime: "You can't pour from an empty cup." Sometimes hearing this can be frustrating because, let's be honest, the quote itself doesn't help. The thought is excellent, and we undertand what it means, but we still need help refilling our cups. We need to teach ourselves not to feel guilty about the things we can't control. None of us can know precisely how our child will grow up and who they will be. It's human to feel anxious and guilty sometimes.
The hard fact is, while we're beating ourselves up over a bad day, that day might've been your child's best. My son is 13 months old and has always been an amazing, calm baby. He doesn't fuss unless something is really up. Yet I feel guilty when he fights a nap that he desperately needs to take, even though I know he'll be rested and happy when he wakes up. He'll give me a big hug and a slobbery kiss and take away all of that guilt.
And that's the point: We shouldn't feel bad about giving our children what we think is best. Whether that be a nap, some time in the playpen so we can make ourselves lunch, or letting our mother-in-law bring him to Florida for a week so that you can finally get some well-deserved alone time with your partner.
Self-care is vital as a parent
Alone time is vital as a parent. We are more than just parents — we're people. We need to be taken care of too. So stop yourself the next time you feel like a bad parent and like you're not doing enough. You are the perfect parent for your child. Try to counteract every negative thought with a positive one. Your best is good enough, and I can only imagine how much your child loves you.
Sincerely,
Another Parent Who's Just Trying Her Best
