In this article
Divorce is a trying time, and loneliness can easily creep into your life. Your friends may not be around as you hoped and the emotional toll can make you yearn to want someone to be with. On top of it, we all want to feel attractive and wanted. But is dating during your divorce a wise idea? The truth is dating too soon can be detrimental to a smooth divorce.
According to Michael Aurit, a professional divorce mediator, it might not be a good idea to get back out there too soon. “Divorce is a personal and intimate decision," he told Mom.com. "Being true to yourself may be your most trusted guide through this often complicated decision. A divorce is a loss that triggers a grieving process. Dating may be more natural and successful if you allow time to process and heal, until you feel ready to accept new people into your life.”
Here are six reasons to hold off on dating during divorce:
Dating can affect your case
1. Negatively affects your divorce's financial case
It is possible that dating someone during your divorce proceedings can cost you property or money. If your ex takes the stance that you are cheating on him, a judge can reduce or eliminate spousal support. Your spousal support can also go down if you are living with someone. These are subject to state laws, but worth considering and speaking to your attorney about.
2. Adversely affects custody cases
For those arguing over custody, your ex could take the position that the person you are dating is not good for the kids. Or that you are not consistent in a relationship and have a revolving door of men coming and going, giving no consistency for the children. When the kids are involved, keeping your home as stable as possible without ups and downs is imperative in the eyes of the court. Plus you don’t want your ex to question your new beau in court proceedings; this isn’t fair to you, your kids, or your new relationship.
Other things should take precedence
3. Puts a strain on your kids
Divorce isn’t just hard on you, your kids are going through a grieving process as well. They may not fully understand or have come to terms with mommy and daddy not being together anymore. Additionally, their schedule becomes confusing with times in one home and then packing up to go to another.
Adding a new person to the mix, even if your kids already know the person, can add stress and lead to problems in school and their overall coping with the situation. If you do decide to date, it is best to keep it private and away from your children for a while, until you know there is something serious going on.
4. Distracts you from the end goal
Maybe you want a distraction, but the reality is there can be a lot of moving parts in a divorce to keep track of. A major distraction like a new beau can create problems like missing deadlines for filing documents or not putting the necessary time into a court response that you know you should. Remember, the divorce process won’t last forever and you need to take every step to protect your rights as possible. That means addressing the paperwork that comes your way.
Being emotionally ready
5. A rebound relationship may not be a good choice
Are you dating someone because you really feel that person is "the one" or is this a rebound because you are scared and lonely? There is nothing wrong with wanting to get out, have some fun, and feel attractive. Just remember that you might not be making the best choices and you may find yourself in a complicated situation that doesn’t really fulfill you.
6. You may not be emotionally ready
Giving yourself time to heal will make sure you don’t make a mistake that results in another bad breakup. It takes time to process why your marriage failed and to do the necessary inner work to be healthier and happier. The goal is to find joy without bringing another man into your life so that you can find someone to complement who you are, not take the responsibility of making you happy.
To hear experienced insight from divorce attorney Jonna Spilbor on dating during dicvorce, check out this episode of Divorce Tips:
