We’ve all been slammed into another dimension since last spring. Our busy schedules came to a halt, and we were all ordered to stay at home with nowhere to go. We're sick of looking at our kids’ faces (love you, kids) and we're climbing the walls.
All this while trying to get work done and homeschool kids or assist them with virtual learning (please save us all). This has been some of the toughest crap we’ve had to walk through.
At first, being a single mom and dealing with this alone made me want to tantrum and lie on the floor, flopping my body around. I wanted some help and thought it would be really useful to have a partner who could help out with the schoolwork and make sure the kids were on task so I could sit and get some work done without taking 45 breaks an hour to help them.
Having someone to start dinner or get the grocery shopping done would be a dream. And who isn’t turned on by their partner taking control and getting the kids to behave so you aren’t the damn gatekeeper all the time?
But then, something clicked after we got into a rhythm — or, should I say, when I saw what married people were struggling with?
I saw post after post on social media about how partners really weren’t being that helpful. My mom friends came out of the woodwork, announcing they were sick of listening to their partners going on their Zoom meetings and needing everyone to chill without returning the favor, feeling like they didn’t have to pitch in with the kids’ learning. They needed constant reminders to chip in with the heavy load known as having everyone home all the time.
The dads of the world needed quiet time so they could get their work done, and they are all definitely missing the chip that allows them to multitask. You know, the things that moms invented so they are able to practically move mountains every damn day.
They wanted their wives to handle the noise level and pick up the slack, but if the moms needed to get work done and needed them to tap in and handle things, it didn’t go so well.
Instead of expecting less out of themselves, moms expect more. Yes, it’s exhausting, but it’s the way we're wired, and we're always trying to rise to the challenge.
After hearing all this noise, I realized I have it pretty good. I can make our schedule and don’t have someone in the background winding the kids up when I need it to be quiet. I don’t have to expel my energy in hoping the other adult will swoop in and help me out. Honestly, it’s easier to lay down the law and get things done the way you want them done, when you want them done. We have a schedule, we stick to it, and no one messes with that vibe.
I know there are great married teams out there — those who are fierce and work well together. But, let’s face it, it’s rare. And these are tough times, so it can add to the stress of it all.
Maybe there will come a day when I’ll live with another adult who will be a help, and I’ll feel like I don’t have to be "on" all the time.
Until then, I’ve decided to play the cards I’ve been dealt and realize there are perks to doing this working from home and homeschooling the kids by myself.
Like this one: I’m about to take a work break and blast my music while I vacuum the floor as loud as I want, then eat chips as loud as I want — without having to share.
