Growing up I always strived to have a lot of friends. I mean, friends are great, right? The more the better! I guess I equated having lots of friends with being popular, and what does a 14-year-old girl wish for, if not popularity?
I’m happy to report that my friendship goals have matured with age right along with my taste buds and my waistline. I found a small group of peeps who "got me."
I realized that the phrase “quality over quantity” applies to friendships as well as a good pair of jeans
While I’m no longer in the market for “friend finding,” and my inner core of besties — those couple of gal pals who are the true-blue kind — have stuck around for decades now, my outer circle of friendship has continued to grow. As a working mom and wife in my late thirties, I’ve collected friendships like the mismatched socks that fill my drawer. Between the parents of my kids’ friends to the soccer moms to my own work connections, my little black book of “friends” has become more of a catalog.
As a busy mom, my time is precious.
Friendships should be life-giving, and I had a hunch that some people had lingered in my Rolodex a little too long
As I took a more critical eye to the friends who I allowed in my life, I realized that a few needed to be cut from my friend circle.
If you have a similar suspicion, here are five simple questions to mull over as you shrink your circle.
1. You dread the plans you make with them.
While mom-tired is a real thing and we’ve all experienced making lofty plans on a Monday only to regret it come Friday night, in general, you should want to chill with your peeps. If you find yourself repeatedly filling with dread at the mention of hanging out with a person or group, that’s a tried-and-true sign that you should probably stop making plans with them.
2. You feel emotionally drained after spending time with them.
A good friendship should bring you comfort and joy. Even if you spend your time together venting, crying, or griping about your kids, you should leave your time together feeling like your cup has been filled. If, instead you part ways drained and emotionally exhausted, that friendship isn’t one worth the effort.
3. You know they talk smack about you when you’re not there.
How might you know this, you ask? Well, if someone is continuously throwing shade and bashing other mutual aquaintances that might be considered a "friend," there is about a 99.8% chance that the same is done to you in your absence. If you’ve got a hunch that what you share is being added to the arsenal of juicy gossip to pass along to the next "bestie," stay clear and zip your lips.
They don’t support your life choices
4. They don't support your life choices. True, friends will disagree. True, friends will challenge one another to make the other better. But if you spend time with someone who is constantly tearing down your spouse, your workout routine, your diet, your parenting, or any other items from the long list of personal choices, they do not have your back.
5. They make you feel guilty.
“You never come out with us anymore” is something a friend may say to make you feel guilty for not wanting to hang out. Here’s the thing: If you are a mom, you probably don’t have the childcare to do frequent happy hour with the girls. If you are a mom, you likely take forever to return calls or forget to answer texts. If you are a mom, you put your family first and that means that friendships hang out on the back burner pretty frequently. And if you are a true friend … you get that. Anything but supporting the fact that family comes first should not be tolerated.
Now don’t be all drama about this. You don’t have to have a big “unfriending” party or falling out
Simply start by distancing yourself from them. Don’t go out of your way to hang out, and when you are together, keep your cards close.
Make time for the people who are important to you. After all, whittling down your connections to only the most amazing friendships that feed your soul is supposed to do just that.
