18 Signs It’s Not Your Libido

If having sex is the last thing on your mind, you may think your libido is to blame. Maybe you've tried to get in the mood but nothing seems to work. Or maybe, you've decided that physical intimacy isn't all that important to you anymore. Before you convince yourself that your days of naked bliss are done for, find out if there might be another more common culprit behind your dry spell.

A sexually aggressive partner can create uncomfortable bedroom tension, especially if they make you feel disrespected or invalidated. Overtime this tension can translate into a lack of physical desire as both people feel disconnected and resentful. Honest communication about your wants, expectations and boundaries can help restore balance in the relationship as well as waning intimacy.

Drinking and taking drugs may feel good in the moment, but they can damage our libidos. Intoxicants make achieving and maintaining an erection and producing enough natural vaginal lubrication difficult, if not impossible. Plus, once you're tipsy, you'll find it's much harder to reach orgasm. Chronic drug and alcohol use can eventually supress your sex drive altogether and may be a sign of untreated depression.

Stress is a common cause of sexual dysfunction, but it does more than just damage your love life. Chronic stress is linked to mental health disorders, heart disease, digestive ailments and even accelerated aging. Who wants to make whoopee when they're feeling the weight of the world on their shoulders? Learning how to de-stress won't just save your love life, it can literally save your actual life, too.

Any time we're dealing with long term health issues, our other priorities (like sex) fall by the wayside. Whether you have regular migraines, digestive issues, reproductive diseases or something even more troubling, getting "in the mood" can be difficult. Make sure to communicate your love and affection for your partner and reach out to your doctor to discuss possible options that can give you back a little bit of your sexual spark.

Anxiety of any kind is bad, but anxiety over your sexual abilities can totally kill your libido. If your mind starts to race with worries as soon as the mood heats up, you may need to develop skills to slow your thoughts and stay in the moment. Meditation, mindfulness and, if neccesary, a trip to the doctor can help derail your anxiety and keep your libido on track.

A major culprit in sex-drive decline happens to be hiding in our medicine cabinets. Antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, beta blockers, pain pills and more are all known to decrease our libido. If you're taking regular medication and find your sex drive is stalled, talk to your doctor about possible options or alternative treatments to get your engines revving.

Estrogen, progesterone, testosterone and more all play a pivotal role in maintaining a healthy sex drive. A drop in testosterone could result in a lower libido for men, as could declining estrogen in women. If you suspect your hormones are out of whack, your doctor can help test your levels and, if necessary, develop a treatment plan.

Chronic pain is a giant roadblock to a healthy sex drive. Dealing with pain is exhausting and often medications to treat pain have an additional negative impact on our libidos. Whether it's arthritis, a back injury, disease or another painful ailment, your physical discomfort may be the reason you're just not in the mood.

Masturbation is healthy and normal, but excessive masturbation has been shown to complicate things sexually. Not only does aggressive self-pleasuring desensitize us to other people's touch, it can create a sort of sexual dependency where we can only reach arousal and orgasm by manual stimulation. The answer? A masturbation sabbatical. Abstaining can reset our desire button and eventually make sex with a partner more enjoyable.

A surprising factor linked to erectile dysfunction is obesity. High levels of belly fat are known to cause dips in testosterone, which can decrease libido. Extra weight can also impact a woman's sex drive, as it can lead to chronic fatigue and low self-esteem. The good news is that dropping just a few pounds has been shown to increase our sex hormones and libido.

Nothing drains our libido faster than unfullfilling sex. Repeated poor sexual experiences can make intercourse seem unappealing—ultimately lowering our sex drive. If your sexual experiences thus far have been less than explosive, it may be time to speak up. Let your partner know what works for you and what doesn't, and don't be afraid to add new tricks into your lovemaking routine.

As any exhausted parent will tell you, having children is a libido-killer. Spending your days catering to someone else's needs can leave you emotionally and physically depleted. The last thing many parents want to do at night is have sex (especially when they could be getting some much-needed rest). One way to boost your post-baby sex drive is to get a babysitter. The extra pair of hands can decrease your stress and boost your mood.

Whether it's the kids, the pets, your job or your endless to-do list, having a life full of distractions can make sex next to impossible. Setting boundaries with your family members and fur children can keep the at-home interruptions at bay. Turning off your ringer and avoiding your smartphone is also important to stay in the moment and, more importantly, in the mood.

A difficult thing for any person to admit is when they don't feel sexually attracted to their partner, or that they've developed an attraction to someone else. While no one wants to hear that their partner doesn't find them sexy, being honest about how we feel is important for our relationships. Focusing on the things we like about our partner can help, as can limiting our interactions with the new object of our affections.

For anyone with a history of abuse, sex can be a tricky subject. Intimacy and physical touch can be incredibly difficult for someone who has experienced any form of abuse, including sexual assault or molestation. It is important that partners of abuse victims understand and support them while also encouraging them to seek treatment (with the goal being their partner's well-being, not a more active sex life).

Sometimes, low self-esteem can make us more sexually aggressive as we try to find our sense of self worth in our physical interactions. Other times, it can make us avoid sex as we don't want to deal with possible embarrassment or rejection. Anyone struggling with confidence should seek the help of a qualified therapist to learn how to silence their inner critic and explore a more healthy sexual relationship.

Sometimes, a low libido is simply born out of habit. With our increasingly busy lives, making time for sex can be difficult if not impossible. Over time, a lack of regular sexual interaction can decrease our desire. Before we know it, we might feel more like best friends and roommates with our partner, and not lovers. Carving out time for intimacy is an important way to keep the passion alive in our relationship and restart our libidos.

You've likely heard that having sex when angry (or after a big fight) results in some of the best sex you'll ever have. The only problem is many of us don't work that way. If you have unresolved issues with your partner, it's likely that the last thing you want to do is touch them or have them touch you. The solution is to work out your anger by talking and make sure there are no lingering frustrations keeping your love life on pause.