Back to school. Great time of year, right? Well, not for all of us. Some mommies are putting their little babies onto the school bus for the first time ever.
First. Time. Ever.
And it's not going to be pretty.
Here are the 10 things every mom goes through the first time she puts a kid on the school bus.
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The bus pulls away and your eyes tear up. Funny, you think, I'm not chopping onions. But still, the tears fall from your eyes and you realize: oh, goodness, that's my baby. My baby just left on the school bus!
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You take your camera out and get a shot of the bus as it rounds the corner, away from your house. When you check later, all you've got is a blurry pic of some exhaust fumes.
What if some older kid bullies my precious, tiny baby?
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You silently curse yourself for forgetting to snap a photo of your kid getting on the bus. These are memories, dammit.
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As you walk back into the house, you wonder if your child was belted in. You realize that you didn't even check the bus for safety—are there harnesses? Lap belts? You can't be sure. You wonder whether or not you should call the bus company.
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The bus company assures you that each child has an appropriate seat belt. Lap belts for the older kids and harnesses for the little ones. Since your child is young (a baby, really. Practically a fetus. How did I put that tiny little thing on a school bus?), you can rest assured that your child is buckled in properly.
You hang up the phone and realize that you have the entire day to yourself.
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Older children? Did he just mention older children? "Older kids" means bullies. What if some older kid bullies my precious, tiny baby?
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You decide to calm yourself down with a cup of coffee and some morning television. The first news story you see is about a school bus crash. You never get around to making that cup of coffee.
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You Google furiously, looking for evidence of a bus crash in your area.
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You call the school. After all, it's OK to bug them. You pay a lot in school taxes each year. Isn't it their job to tell you whether or not your baby is still alive and well?
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The school assures you that your child got off the bus and is happily ensconced in his or her new classroom. You hang up the phone and realize that you have the entire day to yourself. You do an impromptu Risky Business-style run through the house without your pants on, and then go out and enjoy your day.
