“You know how kids are…”
I've lost count of how many times I've heard this — and I've even said this numerous times to my own kids. Yes, I know how kids are because I was a kid myself, and because as a parent with school-age kids, sure, I logically know how kids “can be.”
What I don’t know is what to say when people ask me why my daughter is so small. Whether it’s a kid or a child who inquires — and it’s perfectly fine to be curious — I’m not sure what the best reply is. What I do know is my daughter is unhappy when she’s mocked for being the shortest, most petite child at school.
To backtrack, my older daughter was born a preemie. She’s currently undergoing medical testing to determine why eight years later, as a third grader, she’s the height and weight of an average 4-year-old. She has tiny bones, but they’re strong and she’s proportioned. Offhand, you wouldn’t think there’s more going on behind the scenes genetically — until I tell you she’s 8, and your eyes widen.
She’s not only the tiniest child in her class, she’s the smallest in her whole grade
A doctor once told me, “Well, with kids, someone has to be the smallest in class… and it’s your kid, I guess.” So, we ran with this and read her books like Madeline, about kids who are small but mighty. To make her feel better about being smaller than her friends, we tell her everyone looks different, God created us all to look different from one another, and that’s OK. All that matters is that she’s a good person and everyone deserves kindness. Stuff most parents would tell their kids.
In the meantime, she started at a new school this year, and kids immediately started asking her why she’s in a third grade class when she's so small. Conversations with her amazing teacher led to class discussions about treating everyone with kindness. But it’s not easy because, “Well… you know how kids are.”
And, unfortunately, I do — and so does my daughter
She came home crying one day because a classmate told her she’s really in kindergarten because of her smaller stature. She argued with him that they’re the same age. And it’s even led to some classmates not wanting to play with her because they're confused about her height and mistake her for an annoying preschool kid wanting to play with the big kids.
As girls age and decide who is “cool” and “not cool” to hang out with, my child doesn’t seem to make the “cool” list simply because the taller, more confident kids associate her small stature with being a “baby” or “babyish.”
It hasn’t been all bad — she’s met some new friends, which is nice
But the “Wait, you’re 8?! You look like you’re 4!” comments she hears burn. My child inherited my sensitivity, and I’m starting to wish parents — myself included — make more of an effort to remind their kids that we all look differently and act differently and that’s OK. We’re all unique, and some people are just really small (or tall!)
Yes, kids will be kids, I get it
But at some point that expression becomes exhausting for me to hear. So, parents, let's all do better and frequently remind our kids — even on our most stressful days — to lead with kindness and not exclude others because of how they look. There’s a good reason why there’s so many children’s books out there about kindness, empathy, and sensitivity.
I’ll do my part as a mom by doing better and reminding my daughters daily to be kind and inclusive — and I hope you do your part as well.
