Here's the thing: my son hates online playdates. Zoom, FaceTime, Google Hangouts, you name it, he hates it. And yet, as his mother, I kept trying to encourage them.
“Hey sweetheart, are you ready for your Zoom playdate?”
“No!” my first grader shouts as he hides under his bed.
Playing hide-and-seek or pretending that the TV is louder than I am are ways my son avoids virtually all of his virtual playdates. When the stay-at-home orders began and I was still washing my hair, I hoped to maintain my only child’s only social connections during this time of social distancing.
I tried setting up Zoom or FaceTime playdates with friends and family as often as I sanitized the counters. But even when I explained how much fun it would be to talk to his friends, my kid quickly realized he’d rather talk to the dust bunnies under his bed.
Talking on a video call is totally awkward for my son
He doesn’t know what to say or do. I’ve even tried to prompt him with questions off-screen, but that only lasts a few minutes. We’ve tried doing a show-and-tell of sorts, but that lacks the spontaneity of an in-person playdate. His type of conversation evolves out of imaginative play, and video chatting doesn’t allow space for that.
My kid doesn’t seem interested in adjusting his playing skills to a cold screen either. That’s when the quiet sets in — and there's a lot of it. I can practically hear the crickets chirping from the Zoom nature background he’s chosen.
Are we the only ones feeling the awkward silence?
Are there other parents out there who agree that FaceTime is not always a good time? The silences are so deafening on my end they make me want to fake a Tron-like computer meltdown to save him from the pain of the failing convo. Kids clearly aren't meant to interact through a screen.
I thought guiding him down a path that would continue to foster his social connections would be the way to go, but I’m wondering if now I really am a bad influence. I’m feeling more like a pushy parent than the gentle guide who helps my kid grow his social skills. I don’t want him to feel more overwhelmed during an already overwhelming time.
So since he enjoys the spontaneity of in-person playdates, I’ve started being spontaneous about video chatting. I ask him if he feels like talking to a friend, and if he says yes, then we call them in that moment. If he says no (mostly) then we don’t. Once I stopped the preplanning, he stopped hiding under his bed. No more pressure, no more talking to dust bunnies, and no more mom being a bad influence.
