Ready to Roll
Right near the top of the list of things that produce major anxiety in the parents of teenagers—just after drinking and sex—is the moment their child first gets his or her learning permit.
Sitting passenger as a newly-minted driver careens around in a two-ton vehicle… well, it's a pretty daunting prospect.
So how do parents maintain sanity when their safety—and their child’s—are in the hands of an oft-distracted beginner wrangling a two-ton vehicle?
Start with these 10 tips.
Stay Involved
Being engaged with your child’s driving is key from the start: “Students learn faster when parents are involved in a positive way,” says Frank Gruber, Ph.D., director of the Traffic Safety Institute at Northern Illinois University in Dekalb and a board member of the Illinois High School & College Driver Education Association. Be a constructive coach when your child first gets behind the wheel.
Insist on Education
Make sure they’re enrolled in a formalized public high school driver’s education program, says Gruber. Some teens are opting out of driver's ed and waiting until they’re 18 to get their licenses. (At 18, you don’t need to have taken driver’s ed to get your license).
Go Slow
If your state has a graduated licensing program which introduces students to new driving challenges in phases, know the rules so you can participate fully, says Gruber. If your state doesn’t have one, set up your own boundaries for your child. For instance, don’t take a brand-new driver out at night or onto heavily trafficked roads or allow him to drive during rush hour. As he gains experience, though, let him drive in more difficult situations.
Click It!
Insist that your child buckle up. “One of the most important things, which will save more lives than almost anything else, is to encourage the usage of seatbelts,” says Gruber. “Parents’ setting an example by using belts themselves is very important.”
Talk it Out
When your child does make a mistake, such as changing lanes without signaling or cutting someone off, “deal with these kinds of errors immediately,” says Gruber. “But don’t have the conversation when you’re in heavy traffic. Get out of the driving lane so you can discuss what happened in a rational manner.”
Remain Calm
Your anxiety will only increase your child's. Consider this example from Jean Walz, a mother of two teens in Elk Grove Village, IL: “With my oldest daughter, Sarah, I was a horrible teacher,” she says. “I remember going out driving with her shortly after she got her permit, and the whole time I was imagining horrible things happening. I would see a woman walking her dog up ahead and just imagine that the dog got loose and we either killed the dog, or hit something trying to avoid the dog. It literally gave me panic attacks." Walz had to hand over the driving instruction to her husband Jim.
With her second daughter, Rebecca, however, "I was better," Walz says. "I took a lot of deep breaths and tried to stay calm, and she has turned out to be a pretty decent driver.”
Read Up
Attend parents’ night at your high school driver's ed program and read all the literature. Many times, there are guidebooks that let parents know what skills their children are learning in each session so that you can have them practice them with you.
Put it in Writing
Read parental guides put out by your state’s secretary of state’s office, the department of transportation or insurance carrier. Some insurance companies also have contracts you and your child can sign, so expectations are clear.
RELATED: How to handle alcohol and your kid
Stay Sober
Once your child gets his license, you’ll want to make sure they remain safe drivers. For starters, have a zero-tolerance policy on drugs and alcohol. “A major killer [of young drivers] is the use of drugs and alcohol,” says Gruber. If they have been drinking or are with a driver who is inebriated, tell them to call you for a ride. “Having a backup plan is an excellent idea,” he says.
Hang Up
Forbid the use of cell phones and texting while driving, Gruber advises. Distracted driving is another major cause of accidents. He also points out, “Hands-free devices are really a red herring: Your mind becomes disengaged when you’re talking on a cell phone, even if you’re not holding it. You’re not seeing what you should be seeing in the driving scene in front of you.” If the child needs to make a call, tell her to pull over to the shoulder of the road or into a parking lot.
While becoming a skilled driving involves “maturation and practice,” says Gruber, being a proactive parent will help the process be more positive, for both you and your teen.
