Social Media Spies

A new study by Education Database Online found that nearly half of all parents using Facebook joined so they could spy on their kids. Nearly three-fourths of parents check their children’s Facebook profiles more than four times a week.

So what are Spy Moms (Facebook spies or otherwise) finding out? You’d be surprised! (We’ve changed their names to protect the guilty!)

"I was away for the weekend at a swim meet for my older daughter. When I checked Facebook, I saw a picture of my son and some of his high-school buddies having a party. Then I realized the background was my kitchen!

"I was stuck between somewhat amused at how stupid they were to post it, and utter rage. I called him and asked him to put away the bag of chips that was sitting on the countertop (which I could see in the picture). He was quiet for a second, then asked me what I was talking about. So I downloaded the picture and texted it to him with a caption saying that they police were driving by any minute." —Leslie

"Our son, thinking he is clever, works tirelessly to unfriend, privatize, etc., thinking that all his texts and posts will be totally private. All was going well for him until I decided to join Facebook. And though he wouldn't friend me, I was able to follow him (without his knowledge) on Facebook, through his brother (I was friends with his brother, as was he).

"Most of his posts were quite normal for a high-school kid until once when he posted a picture of him and his girlfriend lying together in a bed… in a girly bedroom. Obviously there was no supervision at her house! Without telling him how I had seen it, I suggested he remove it as it was probably not what he was intending. He could not imagine in a million years how I had even seen it. I had to remind him gently that social media is just that… social!" —Ann

"I'm not on Facebook, but my sister-in-law is and is friends with my kids. A few months ago, she called me to let me know my eighth-grade daughter and her best friend had traded underwear (yeah, I don't know what that was about either!) and posted pictures of themselves on Facebook. They both had camisoles and brief panties on, so it wasn't any more revealing than bathing suits, but boys in their class started posting comments like 'sluts.' I couldn't believe my daughter had done something so stupid, so I went and got her out of school and made her deactivate her Facebook account. We told her another mom had seen the pictures so my sister-in-law could keep spying on her." —Paula

"At my older daughter's college graduation, I found out that my three older kids had let my high-schooler (who's 16) drink beer after my husband and I had gone back to the hotel. One of them posted a picture of the four of them at a table—with four beers. They tried to say it was the photographer's beer! There was not enough evidence to 'convict,' but it was pretty incriminating! I did make them take the picture down." —Laura

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"I let my daughter, who was then 13, join Facebook with the understanding that I was about to monitor all her online activities. Even with that warning, she'd forget and post about things she wasn't supposed to do. We had discussed why she wasn't allowed to drink Red Bull. Then, just a few days later, her friend posted a picture of her drinking Red Bull… while sitting in a shopping cart in the middle of the street! (I forgot to forbid her to do that!) —Jennifer

"I'm Facebook friends with all three of my children and usually check out their Facebook pages two to three times a week. I don't comment on their posts; only "like-ing" or congratulating them on an accomplishment; publicly embarrassing your kids (which is pretty much anything you might say on Facebook) will get you defriended in a nanosecond.

"Occasionally they forget to filter what they're thinking before posting passionate, emotional posts—it's just so easy to tap into their phones in a moment of rage and then click post. They usually remove those angry posts; what's even better is after many discussions, that occurrences have definitely decreased." —Joanne

"My daughter never swears in real life, but on Facebook, it's a different story. I've made her take those posts down." —Patti

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"My husband and I learned that our son, who's 24, had bought a motorcycle when we saw a video of him riding it on Facebook. First we freaked out. Then we asked him if he had a motorcycle license, insurance and a helmet (yes, yes and yes). I reminded him that when I was a hospital administrator, our best organ donors were motorcyclists.

"But then he reminded us that my husband had several motorcycles over a series of years when he was my son's age. Uh… checkmate! After that, we prayed a lot. Until about a month ago, when he posted a photo of his motorcycle in a pool of dark liquid: It had died a slow, quiet death in a parking lot. My husband and I toasted to its death." —Amy

"My youngest daughter, who is 17, kept telling me she and this boy weren't dating. But about a year ago, I found out—along with the rest of the world—that they were dating when she changed her Facebook status to 'in a relationship.'

"I also found out via Facebook when they broke up!" —Liz

"We surreptitiously uploaded the app 'Find my iPhone' onto my 16-year-old daughter's phone; she is where her phone is, so we know when she is telling the truth and when she's not! One night, she asked to sleep over at a girlfriend's, which was fine with us.

"But then we got a funny feeling she wasn't being straight with us. (The shopping spree at Victoria's Secret and manicure earlier that day should have tipped us off.) We checked the app and it turned out she was actually at her boyfriend's apartment, which is in a completely different neighborhood. We made her come home but didn't tell her how we found out she was lying. And to this day, I don't believe she has figured it out!" —Alexandra