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Bullying can look a little different, depending on the situation. It could be name-calling, teasing, social exclusion, and not-so-funny jokes.
It could also be a barrage of texts from classmates, saying things like, “You should die” or “Dig a hole and bury yourself,” which, in the case of one 14-year-old girl with special needs in Indiana, prompted more than one suicide attempt.
Kids with special needs — whether those needs are obvious or invisible — can face bullying on a level that might be different from their peers. Not only are kids with special needs a more common target because of their differences, they are often less able to fight back against the bullying. And the consequences can be dire.
What the law says
Every state in the nation has an anti-bullying law you can refer to, whether or not your child has special needs. But we all know that just because a law is on the books, it doesn’t mean it’s enforced consistently, across the board, in each and every school. Still, state law is one place to start.
Kids with special needs have additional legal protections, thanks to a few federal laws. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, and parts of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) each require that schools do something if bullying is interfering with a child’s right to a free and adequate public education, or if they are being bullied because of their disability.
If your child with special needs is being bullied, and they have an IEP or 504 plan, one of the first steps is to call for a team meeting.
If a child’s disability is at the heart of bullying, it becomes disability harassment: a civil rights issue. Any federally funded school is required by law to resolve harassment based on a protected group, such as those with disabilities.
By the time the law is being invoked, however, the bullying has likely been going on far too long. School administration, teachers, parents, and other students can and should get involved and address the bullying much, much earlier.
What a therapist says
Dr. Emily King, a psychologist in Raleigh, North Carolina, who specializes in working with toddlers, children, and young adults with less visible special needs — such as autism, ADHD, or anxiety — suggests we all start from a place of empathy and compassion.
“Often, bullying of special needs children stems from a misunderstanding of the child,” says Dr. King. If an incident or pattern of behavior occurs, Dr. King suggests that parents talk with teachers and administrators immediately to investigate what exactly is being behind the bullying. “It is the way a child moves, talks, or behaves? If the behavior is something related to the child’s disability, then school staff can educate the child doing the teasing or bullying by explaining differences and building compassion,” she says.
What a parent can do
Dr. King suggests that parents “reach out to the parent of the child doing the bullying to share more about your child in a way that isn’t accusing but assumes misunderstanding.”
As an example, she says, “You could reach out to the other parent and say something like, ‘I’m getting feedback from school that Johnny is commenting on the way Susie walks and talks at school. I know that some of her behaviors are different, so I wanted to reach out to explain more about her so that Johnny can better understand.’ And then go on to offer more information or a get-together.”
Such an even-handed approach can be a lot to ask at a time that can feel like crisis. But, again, Dr. King emphasizes that these are learning moments that can, in the end, become positive.
“Special needs parents have an undeniable ‘Mama Bear’ instinct that will be hard to keep in check at these moments,” she says. “However, it’s best to keep in mind, the more others understand about your child, the more compassion can grow.”
The special-needs anti-bullying toolkit
In 2009, Tyler Long, then 17 years old, hung himself after years of bullying. He had Asperger’s syndrome. His story became part of the documentary film Bully and his parents, along with the filmmaker and national organizations such as the National Center for Learning Disabilities (NCLD), AbilityPath, PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center, and Autism Speaks, put together a toolkit to help schools, parents, and other students make a difference when it comes to kids with special needs who are being bullied.
- For parents, tools include conversation starters to help others better understand your child’s disability and sample letters to send to the school.
- For educators, tools include teaching tolerance, creating a zero-tolerance environment around bullying, and encouraging students to advocate for their peers with special needs.
- For students, tools include ways to stop bullying if and when they see it.
No one is immune from bullying, but everyone can do their part to make it stop.
