Just before the holidays, my almost-3-year-old daughter began a new phase.
A phase we affectionately called the “scream and throw a tantrum at the first sign of frustration to get her own way or for no reason at all” phase.
It was adorable, as you can imagine.
It seemed to come out of the blue
One day, she was her talkative quirky self, and the next, she was reverting to constant fussing and baby talk. Who was this easily emotional, frustrated version of my usually upbeat and happy daughter?
I chalked this up to the terrible twos, "almost a threenager” age I’d heard so much about and progressed with life — a life that included a lot of meltdowns, screaming, and irrational tears. We tried our best to ignore the behavior, but this quick onset turn for the darkside was alarming and left my husband, son, and we all at our wit’s end.
About a month later, I decided to take my daughter to the doctor for a lingering cough and runny nose that she seemed unable to shake. In my mind, there was no connection between the recent onset of frustrating behavior and this doctor's visit, but after a quick consult and a few tests, I realized how wrong I had been.
It turned out, she was sick
She was diagnosed with a double ear infection that the doctor said looked severe enough that she must have had it for weeks. In addition, she had a bacterial infection in her throat, compounded with the awful cold that had been taking out everyone lately.
While, all her ailments were very treatable, my poor, darling daughter felt completely awful and had every reason to not be acting her best. She wasn’t so much going through a difficult phase, as she was trying to survive feeling crazy sick with an impatient mom treating her like she was being naughty.
I felt terrible and, as I thought about it, was not at all shocked with the news the doctor just shared.
Upon second thought, I thought of more than a few symptoms that should have tipped me off:
- Usually the independent type, my daughter began having separation fits when I would leave her at day care — a place she usually begged to go.
- She became a picky eater instead of trying anything and everything, as per her MO.
- Instead of attempting to explain something with her immense vocabulary, she would quickly resort to crying and baby talk.
- She always wanted to be held and didn’t resist sitting in the grocery cart rather than her usual preference to do everything “on her own self.”
- She fell asleep on my lap before her usual bedtime or even sometimes during the day.
Looking back, I feel so dense and guilty that I didn't put two and two together and realize that my girl was sicker than sick. These aren't crazy, unique symptoms or surprising indications of a child not feeling her best, but it seems I got too caught up in the other part of motherhood — the busyness of dishes and laundry and pickups and drop-offs and nightly homework and cooking dinner — to notice what my baby was trying to tell me.
All she needed was for her mom to tune into her clues and give her some love and cuddles (and maybe a trip to the pediatrician). I missed it this time, but you better bet your bottom that I won’t let that happen again.