Before I ever became a mom, I made a promise to myself — I swore that I would do my best to never speak about my body in a negative way in front of my children. I imagined having a daughter, and thought about how important it would be to me to teach her to value herself and have a healthy view of her body. Growing up in the '90s felt like a volatile time for body positivity, and the messages I received throughout my childhood and teenage years have stayed with me to this day — no matter how hard I fight against them.
As it turns out, I never had a daughter
Instead, I'm a proud mom of three amazing sons — and I'm still striving to keep my promise to model body positivity. The way a parent speaks about themselves can become a child’s inner dialogue as well, and I want my boys to feel good about themselves, the same way I would want for a daughter. If they were to hear me speak negatively about my appearance, or complaining that I need to lose weight, it could alter the way they view themselves or the way they value women.
I remember being at a friend's house in middle school when her mother told us that “cheese is the devil” because it makes her gain weight. It’s a silly statement, and I don’t have hard feelings toward her for saying it, but I do remember that it stuck with me — and caused me to feel guilty every time I would eat cheese after that for many years.
These attitudes around food continue to persist
I knew this was true when, the other day, my oldest son called cookies “dangerous.” It was important for me to clarify that sugary foods aren’t dangerous in moderation — they are just not a nutritional choice.
I hope we can teach the next generation to fight against the idea that some foods are "bad" simply because they have a lot of calories, and that gaining weight is always a horrible occurrence in one’s life. I want to teach my sons to eat healthy foods because that's what will make them feel good and give them energy.
Some of the lowest points of my life were when I was the “skinniest” — like when I was suffering from postpartum depression. Everyone kept telling me how good I looked, when I felt horrible on the inside. It was just one of many times throughout my life where I have felt that how I look matters more to people than how I feel, and I’ll be damned if I’ll pass this message onto my sons.
Kids are very perceptive to the messages that they see in the media and elsewhere, and my hope is that I not only tell my kids that body positivity is important, but that I also don’t dilute that message by speaking negatively about myself.
It can be challenging
Because I continue to suffer from depression, self-critical thoughts tend to be a regular occurrence in my head but I never want my children to live their adult lives with these invasive thoughts, so I'm doing my best to combat these thoughts in myself, accept any compliments given to me, and speak kindly about myself and others.
What's become clear to me is that body positivity isn’t only important for girls — if we really want to change the old narratives around food and weight, boys need to be included in the conversation too. And that starts with us.
