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Many of us are aware of explicit prejudices and attitudes prevalent toward certain groups and are actively trying to be allies by raising more tolerant kids, perhaps by educating them about racism, reading them books about race and diversity, and modeling inclusive behavior.
However, we may not realize how our implicit biases — even in babies — affect our understanding, interpretation, behavior, and choices. Here we offer some suggestions on how to address unconscious bias in your children.
What is unconscious bias?
What exactly is unconscious bias? International award-winning diversity and inclusion expert Risha Grant explained it to us. “Unconscious bias is an unrecognizable part of our upbringing,” Grant told Mom.com. “It is introduced to us so smoothly that we don’t know it has happened because we live through the past pains and experiences of those who raised us.”
Some examples of unconscious bias include:
Affinity bias: When people unconsciously choose to hire or become friends with people who share backgrounds, experiences, and interests.
Name bias: When people tend to hire and find more favorable people with certain names — usually of white origin. One study showed that white names typically receive 50% more callbacks for interviews than African American names.
Beauty bias: Where we tend to believe that attractive people are smarter, harder-working, and more competent.
Used interchangeably with implicit bias, unconscious bias is so ingrained in our brains, it’s impossible to raise kids without it.
Can you raise kids without unconscious bias?
So is it even possible to raise kids who have no unconscious bias?
According to Aimee Sher, the question needed to be reframed. “How do we raise kids to be aware of their biases and how to act on that information?” the mom of two clarified to Mom.com. “This is the core of all anti-racist education. It's important to not only work on your own biases but to be aware of systemic oppression, work against those systems, and dismantle them.”
Parents have the challenge of educating their kids to recognize biased behavior. “We had to take an odd approach because of a quirk of our kid who has autism,” observed teacher Marissa Kalan Gillette, “but we're teaching him to be more aware of where he's coming from and how other people might think differently.”
How parents can reduce unconscious bias
Our job as parents is to make sure our children comprehend how society impacts their thoughts about racism, bias, and diversity. Below are some suggested ways parents can try to address implicit bias.
Explicitly discuss race, gender, sexuality, etc.
“For those raising children, it’s imperative you begin having conversations with them really early about racism and the effect it has had on Black folks, people of color, and society as a whole,” advised Grant.
Though Jacqueline Soohoo’s entire career involved making education more equitable for marginalized children, she realized her kids were internalizing the lie of white supremacy inherent in our society. “I need to make anti-racism a part of the fabric of our family life — not just a book I read at bedtime,” she told Mom.com.
“I tried to talk as much about the experience of whiteness as the experience of being racialized,” Mark, one of three parents in a blended family with four children, shared with Mom.com. “Current events have never been lacking in opportunities to talk about how American society keeps people of color down.”
Encourage a decolonized, diverse education
Make it a point to focus on non-white, non-colonial narratives, and historical figures. Diversify materials and content, and teach learning outcomes that address power and social justice.
There are so many excellent resources online (free or otherwise) that even a few minutes of googling can be illuminating. For example, if you’re Asian American and interested in social justice, there are resources that address being Asian American specifically and how it relates to social justice, like the free Asian American Toolkit.
Model actively working against unconscious bias
“Do you have friends of different races? Are you proximate to people who are different? What do you say in front of your child about people when you think they aren’t paying attention?” These are questions Grant suggested asking yourself. “Think about your answers to these questions; they will shape your child’s attitude about people who look or act differently from them.”
“Black history Is American history,” curriculum creator Danielle Slaughter told Mom.com. She works really hard to make sure her Black boys (assigned at birth) see women not only as nurturers. “Women are scientists, artists, musicians, writers, and so much more. We also teach them to be nurturers by buying them dolls and having them help take care of whoever in the house isn’t feeling well,” she elaborated.
Curate content featuring diverse people
Slaughter surrounded her kids with all types of images of Blackness in their home. “I don’t want them to ever feel like there is only one way to be Black, which can lead to anti-Blackness and respectability politics.”
Mom of four Marie Bentley Shaurette uses social media to expose her kids to content creators that exemplify diversity. “We watch Tik-Tok ASL videos or other videos with amazing creators who happen to have disabilities, doing awesome things,” she told Mom.com.
Though we’ll never raise kids without implicit bias, we can teach them how to identify and mitigate it.
“We try to be intentional about getting book, movie, and TV recommendations from people who have a different starting point from us,” high school librarian — and father of two teens — Matt McDonell told Mom.com “I try to adopt and model an assumption that people directly affected by an issue are the experts. And if I disagree, assume the disagreement is rooted in my ignorance.”
