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Switching schools can be something that creates a lot of anxiety and stress for a child, regardless of their age. Children might miss their old friends and be concerned about fitting in. This is all normal for children going to a new school, but there are some simple things you can do to help your child cope with new-school anxiety.
Reasons your child may be experiencing new-school anxiety
Your child may be experiencing new-school anxiety because she is afraid of being somewhere she doesn’t know anyone. Between wanting to fit in, knowing the lay of the land, and missing her old friends, your child could get quite worked up about going to a new school. This anxiety could be when moving to a new community, but it can also happen when kids matriculate from grade school to middle school and from middle school to high school. Start a conversation to prevent anxiety from building up into something unmanageable.
Tips for helping your child cope with new-school anxiety
Visit the school
Take some time to visit the school before your child’s first day. If possible, have them meet with administrators and teachers and visit their classrooms. Dr. Nancy Sherman, professor at Bradley University’s online masters of counseling program, tells Mom.com that taking children to the school before the first day helps kids “find their way around the building and find their locker.”
Understanding the lay of the land helps the school feel more familiar to them on the stressful first day. You also want to be sure you know the rules, including dress codes, parent drop-offs, and banned items.
Something Dr. Sherman notes to keep in mind, when doing a school tour, is understanding that tweens and teens may not want their mom on a tour with them. That might actually increase their anxiety. Check with the school office to see if there are school ambassadors — kids that give new kids a tour of the campus.
Plan the school commute
Dr. Sherman also recommends to plan the school commute, both before and after school, in advance. She continues saying, “Parents can find out the bus route or show the child the route to school.” If your child will be walking or riding public transportation, do a run-through before the first day to properly time things and make sure your child knows the right connections and stops.
Don’t forget their old school
One of the biggest anxiety issues for kids at a new school is making new friends and missing their old ones. Be sure to stay in touch with old friends, no matter how far away they are. If possible, schedule time to have playdates after school or on weekends, if that is possible.
A great way to help your child deal with the anxiety of missing their old friends is to create a memory book from that school. Fill it with pictures and get friends to sign it with going-away messages. This will help your child still feel a connection with her friends at her old school. If you throw a going-away party, this is a great time to get fantastic pictures and lots of friendly notes.
Be prepared for classes
While most school supply lists are pretty standard, make sure your child is prepared with a backpack of the right supplies. Contact the school or teachers ahead of time to ensure you are sending your child with the right items. Being prepared reduces the anxiety of having to ask people they don’t know for help — like borrowing a No. 2 pencil.
Keep a journal
One great idea given to us by Tricia Tetreault, mom of a tween daughter was to use a mommy-daughter journal. “She can write about anything she wants to, ask me any questions, and I respond to her in writing,” she told Mom.com. “When those scary feelings of ‘What if they don’t like me,’ or, ‘What if the teachers are mean,’ creep up again, she can go back and read my encouragement.” The results are amazing according to Tricia, “This has allowed us to have an ongoing and open dialogue without her feeling pressured to verbalize her feelings in the moment.”
Find an afterschool activity your child loves
Register for an afterschool activity, such as drama or a sport, where your child can make new friends with similar interests. Bonding in an activity they love helps children feel connected when they get back to school. While they might not have these afterschool friends in every class, seeing a friendly face on campus makes the situation a whole lot easier.
Check-in with the school counselor or doctor
If you want a second set of eyes on your child’s anxiety, check-in with the school counselor. According to Dr. Sherman, “The school counselor who can be an excellent person to talk to if the child is having difficulties adjusting or the adjustment difficulties last more than a few weeks. After the first week or so, check in with the school counselor or child’s teacher about how they are adjusting.”
Most new school anxiety is normal and works itself out as children make new friends and get involved with activities. If your child’s anxiety is so severe that they refuse to go to school or is affecting their performance, seek the help of a mental health professional.
