Another birthday party invitation. Sigh.
"Do you play with Jane at recess?" I shouted to my daughter in the other room. Three years at the same school, I'd never heard my daughter talk about Jane before, yet somehow we were just invited to her birthday party.
"Is Jane a new student?" I followed up.
"No," my daughter answered me. "She's nice, but we have different friends and play different things."
I asked one more question, one that would determine our response: "Do you want to go to her party?"
My daughter shrugged.
I immediately texted the RSVP number on the invitation: "Thank you so much, but we won't be able to attend. Happy birthday to Jane!" Done.
You can accuse me of being rash or rude, but my basic rule for navigating, attending and/or planning child birthday parties is: If our kids don't play together and have a tangible friendship in place, then we will kindly pass on attending and/or inviting.
This is not mean, this just makes sense. I am sure Jane is absolutely sweet and I thank her family for including us, but until she and my daughter forge a relationship that doesn't prompt a shrugged response when considering if we should attend her party, we will graciously decline the invitation.
When did child birthday party requirements turn into "invite everyone in the school or else" events? It's overwhelming. It's time-consuming. It's expensive for all involved. Modern-day children's parties have inexplicably become one of our most invisible pitfalls for an over-scheduled family life.
In a world where parents are stretched more than ever, one of the ways I protect my sanity — and my family's schedule and finances — is to set limits on this never-ending parade of birthday parties for everyone we're associated with in any way.
Planning parties for my kids and their friends starts with the same rule: We invite who we play with. Then, we pick ONE memorable activity: a storytelling princess, a piñata, a bounce house (all separate events).
Food is kid-friendly, cakes and cupcakes do not exceeded a $30 price tag, and the party will be at our home. No top-of-the-line facility rentals for the ridiculous bargain price of $550, no Instagram-worthy showcases of $400 designer dessert displays. As for our goody bags? Let's just say I won't be winning awards for best first-grade swag anytime soon.
The constant outcome? Our small guests have a blast — so much that parents frequently tell me how their child talked about all the fun they had at our party for days afterward.
Bring back birthdays with purpose. Bring back celebrations that don't require a parent's whole paycheck.
I get giddy every time this happens and I also want to shout, "See! Nobody needs to go broke with over-the-top activities that have every second strategically accounted for and include everyone in the whole damn grade!?"
But I don't shout. Because, for some reason, I've quietly taken notice of how many parents seem to have a twisted obsession with making children's birthday parties more complicated than they need to be so they can later lament about how much planning and money and time and energy said child's birthday party sucked out of them.
I. Don't. Get. It.
If you've got the means and energy, then go for it. If you don't, then invite four of your child's friends over for cookies and a birthday candle and call it a day.
Great celebrations come in all shapes and sizes, so why does it seem that a majority of today's parties are identical, invite-the-whole-world mobs of helter-skelter? Kids running from activity to activity. No one really talking to each other. No one truly playing with each other. No one saying "happy birthday" to anyone, much less consciously celebrating the birthday of their supposed friend.
Then we all wonder why so many of our kids aren't satisfied with the same stuff that used to make us happy. It's because we're conditioning them to think that every event is more and bigger every time or else. What once was a rare "all-out" bash has now become an inexplicable norm … and it sucks. For us and for our kids.
Bring back the old-fashioned kids' party. Bring back birthdays with purpose. Bring back celebrations that don't require a parent's whole paycheck. Bring back the reality of what children's parties are supposed to be: a festive gathering of friends who actually know and play together regularly.
Trust me, the less-is-more kind of parties often end up being a whole lot more fun and affordable for everyone. And cheap cupcakes taste surprisingly fabulous, too.
