If you had asked me years ago whether I wanted boys or girls when I started having children, I would have told you it didn’t matter, that all I cared about was having healthy kids. But secretly? I wanted a family of boys—at least three, but as many as five would have made me happy.
I’ve never been a girly-girl myself. I was raised mostly by my dad, and as a result, I don’t really get makeup or fashion or many of the things my female friends seem so into. I love those friends of mine, but even they will tell you that I tend to think more like a man than a woman. It is a constant joke among both my male and female friends.
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Besides, I loved the energy of little boys and the rough-and-tumble nature of tiny men running around the house. I wasn’t sure I would know what to do with a girl and if I'd know how to be the kind of mother a little girl needs. But boys? I knew I could handle that.
And so, when I pictured motherhood, I always pictured myself as the mommy of an army of boys. Until the day, almost two years ago now, when a woman asked me to take her baby—a little girl, growing beneath her heart.
Suddenly, I was having a daughter.
The intensity of the days that followed was fierce, as my house swelled with pink and I found myself thinking again and again, “But I hate pink!” The first gift she was given was a black headband with a large black and white flower and a jewel resting in the center. It was beautiful, but I wondered if I would ever have thought to purchase it myself.
It doesn’t matter what you were yearning for, the child you receive suddenly becomes the ideal.
And then, she arrived. And every day since, I've fallen more and more in love with my daughter, and more and more in love with having a daughter. Now, I can’t picture it any other way. In fact, when I imagine having more children, I always imagine them as being little girls—a house full of estrogen, which now seems like the dream.
I’m sure this happens to all mothers who once hoped for one sex over the other. It doesn’t matter what you were yearning for, the child you receive suddenly becomes the ideal. But still, I’m now convinced that daughters are the way to go, for these reasons and so many more:
1. She Truly Is Sugar and Spice
This little girl will wrap her arms around your neck and smother you with the sweetest of kisses. She will curl up in your lap and cuddle for hours. She is affectionate and adorable and all that is girl, but she also has that spunk that leaves you laughing so hard that your sides hurt, even when she’s being naughty.
2. Dressing Her Has Helped Me Dress Myself
Like I said, I was never into fashion. But have you ever looked at little girl’s clothes? Oh my. From very early on, I found myself mesmerized by the adorable options available to her—my little doll. This kid is certainly better dressed than I am, and it is even safe to say that I spend more on clothes for her than I do on myself. But dressing her has actually taught me a bit about fashion and gotten me to start paying more attention to what I put myself in as well. Who knew?
3. She Mimics Everything I Do
She’s helped me embrace my own femininity.
I walked around the corner one day and found her digging through my purses. I hardly ever even carry one, but she had figured out what they were for and slung one over her shoulder. Meanwhile, she also had one of my necklaces (which I hardly ever wear) draped around her neck, and began strutting around the house like my mini me. I laughed so hard, and continue to do so now, when my purse drawer is often the first place she goes to every morning. She steals my makeup and practices with my chapstick, and every time I see her mimicking something feminine I do, it is a reminder that I actually am more girly than I realized. In a way, she’s helped me embrace my own femininity.
4. She Inspires Self-Confidence in Me
Wanting my daughter to grow up confident in herself and her body has caused me to really examine some of the negative self-talk I have been guilty of in the past. I’ve learned that if I want her to love herself, I have to first be the reference point by loving myself as well. And seeing myself through her eyes certainly helps me to do just that.
5. There Is No Penis to Contend With
It sounds like a joke, but as a single mother by choice, it really was kind of a relief not to have to worry about the big circumcision debate with my little girl. I just didn’t feel totally qualified to make that decision, given I’ve never had a penis of my own, and I always thought I would defer to my partner when it came time for that choice. The fact that I don’t have to worry about teaching her to point it down during our potty training adventures right now is also kind of nice.
6. She Has Raised My Bar
I have, admittedly, not always had the greatest taste in men. But my little girl has certainly changed that for me. I realize that she will learn what a healthy relationship looks like from me, so I am committed to staying away from the men who are all kinds of wrong for me now. I'm suddenly endowed with higher standards that are reflective of what both she, and I, deserve.
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7. I’m Actually Looking Forward to Her Teenage Years
I know the big joke is that little girls tend to be easier than their high-energy male counterparts in the beginning, but that once the teenage years hit, look out. Still, I’m not scared. In fact, I’m kind of looking forward to it, somehow convinced that I could be a really great mom to an angsty teenage girl. Maybe because I was, myself, the angstiest of them all, or because I have always had a passion for working with that age group, in both a volunteer and career capacity. I feel like I get teenage girls and think my girl and I are going to be the Lorelei and Rory Gilmore of Alaska. Sure, there will be slammed doors and silent treatments, no doubt. But I strangely think I can handle it, and her, while getting us both to adulthood in one piece. I feel like I’m going to be the mom she can talk to, the one she can count on. And when I picture our relationship as those years go by, I’m glad she’s a girl—because I think maybe I was made to be Mommy to a daughter after all.
