I love this time of year. There's the smell of snow in the air, the candy canes swirling above our heads, the mistletoe hanging, the steaming mugs of hot chocolate topped with marshmallows—all of the magical, mystical holiday memories that I want to create with my children.
But they're actually usually nothing like I imagine. Because parenthood.
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Sure, holiday magic is great, but let's face it, those picture-perfect Instagram posts of your glittering Christmas tree don't show the baby pulling all the ornaments off of it, the fight you had with your husband about fitting the tree through the door, the 10,000 shards of glass from broken decoration you had to clean up, or the cold you're all fighting off.
So let's do a little re-imagining, shall we? Here's 12 Days of Christmas, Parenting Style:
1. On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me…
A partridge and a sleeping baby. Because that's all I really need in my life, honestly. Ahhhh, silence …
Image Source: Jbaggles/Tumblr
2. On the second of Christmas, my true love sent to me…
Two turtle doves, but the chocolate kind, because why on earth would I want to clean up after two turtle doves?
Image Source: Tumblr
3. On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me…
Three french roasts, all before 9 a.m.
Image Source: Reddit.com
Enough said, really.
4. On the fourth of Christmas my true love sent to me...
Four calling friends—and by calling I mean texting friends whom I can commiserate with about barely keeping our heads above water through a day of sick kids, winter break and snow … so much snow.
Image Source: Tumblr
5. On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Fiiiive. Goldeeen. Rings.
Actually it's more like two half rings in the form of Golden Arches, and the rest are three golden rings of the new all-day pancakes. Because on a day when I can't fathom cooking anything, my son will eat those hotcakes up faster than I can say, "Who wants McDonald's?"
Image Source: Tumblr
6. On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Six turds a laying. Oh, is that too real for you? Well if you have more than one kid in diapers, then your day will mostly consist of turds too, sorry.
Image Source: Tumblr
7. On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Seven toys a swimming in the tub, where my children will splash approximately 10 million gallons of water on the floor, but it's all good because we are one step closer to…
Image Source: Tumblr
8. On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Eight hours of milking. Nurse the baby, baby falls asleep for an hour, rinse and repeat for some semblance of a normal person sleeping for eight hours.
Image Source: Cbc.ca
9. On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Nine minutes of celebrating when we have all of the kids sleeping at the same time. Before someone inevitably wakes up.
Image Source: Steve Harvey TV
10. On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Ten legs a leaping—in the rush to get out of the door to school in the morning. Honestly, how do they lose one shoe every single day?!
11. On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Eleven pipsqueaks spilling milk at every single meal. Never, ever fails.
Image Source: Tumblr
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12. On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
12 drummers drumming in my head—or what it feels like when I make the mistake of drinking too much at that Christmas party and getting woken up by all of my kids at 5 in the morning. Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!
Feature photo by: j&j brusie photography
