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The first few months at home after delivering a baby are usually a whirlwind – no matter how many times you have done it. As a second-time mom, I certainly thought my friends and family would just magically know how I wanted to handle visits, whether they could take pictures or not, and what I would really need from them. This wasn’t necessarily the case. Each baby, delivery, and fourth trimester is different!
With the addition of a pandemic, you may start to panic about the expectations of your family and friends and how to manage all of the loving calls, texts, and check-ins. I wish I had just talked with them to let them all know what they could do to help my family and my transition as a new mom of two.
Instead of ignoring the check-ins and sending your loved ones to voicemail, pick up the phone and respond with one of these options. Help your family help you by telling them exactly what would make that transition through the newborn stage easier.
1. I wish you would drop something off at the door and wave
With COVID-19 still a high concern and babies needing extra care, family and friends might want to do more and feel that a drive-by or drop-off and wave is not enough. You can reassure them that coming through and dropping something off on the porch is very much welcomed and appreciated. Sometimes giving people permission to do the easy thing is all they need to go ahead and do it. Then, they can get rid of the thought that what they aren’t doing, while it’s not their normal way of showing love, is perfectly fine.
2. Send help since you cannot come over
Now that we are social distancing, an offer to come and babysit, while so desirable, is not going to work anymore. Instead, if you’d like to truly help a new mom, send over a meal-prep service for a week or schedule a laundry-pickup service. There are so many contactless services available now that will help a new mom and dad in ways they will remember and be so thankful for.
3. Our house is a mess and will be for a while
Even if COVID-19 concerns are lessened and precautions are taken, you might not want even a 10-minute visit for fear that someone may see how disheveled your house has become. Don’t apologize for that! It’s par for the course. Your family and friends should understand, and this is a valid reason for not accepting even the shortest of visits.
4. If something is still on the registry, it's OK to buy it
I think there is some unwritten rule that the baby registry self-destructs after the baby shower. But the truth is that many moms and dads end up going shopping soon after the baby arrives because they want or need something else on the list. When family and friends ask what they can get or do for you, just guide them back to the registry because you put everything on there for a reason. Also, if you’re like me, you spent several hours researching everything, so it’s worth it to get all you can out of it!
5. Call and check in on me — not just the baby
Moms need to be checked on, too! Most of the time when people call, they ask a few questions about how mom is feeling, but let’s be honest, they all just want to FaceTime with the new cutie. I like to give them their time but then redirect the conversation if I feel that I need to talk or want to have a conversation about something other than what time the next feeding is. If your friends don’t have children or are far removed from the fourth trimester, they might not realize that you need this social outlet – so a little nudge is perfectly acceptable.
6. And keep calling me!
I wish I'd told my friends to call whenever they thought of me! A quick text or call is all I needed some days to just remind me that I was a person and would be a more balanced human once again. The fourth trimester can be rough, but constant communication can do so much for a new mom.
7. Small, thoughtful gifts go a long way.
Not everyone is in the same stage, so that mega stroller you have on the registry might be out of reach. (It’s OK. I put one on mine, too, and crossed my fingers I’d get it!) Remind your friends or even straight-out ask for the little things that you might have forgotten to pick up or that they know you’ll love. Trust me, this will go a long way when everything around you seems to be for the baby and the baby alone.
Remember, you're in charge of the situation, so be transparent about what you need. Your family and friends love you, but might need a heart-to-heart conversation to take care of you the way you need.
