It is amazing how many women are having babies lately, and I am just talking about the gay woman I know. Lesbians are making babies all over the place. The Lesbian Moms era is in full effect. Fertility doctors are making more money than ever.
Los Angeles is a great place to see this phenomenom. Gone are the days you could get a private school tuition discount for having two moms. That is old news. Nowadays, West Hollywood parks are filled with gaybies, which is what I like to call kids with same-sex parents. Some women get a head start and have a baby in their 30s, but a bunch of ladies I know are starting later in life. They might not be the ones carrying the child, but, regardless, they become a parent in their 40s.
Ladies with ladies having babies: this leaves space for a lot of questions. People want to know what it's all about and ask questions they shouldn’t whenever they get the chance — like the company Christmas party after two drinks when you meet your lesbian coworker's partner who is seven months pregnant.
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Most straight people in Los Angeles are extremely supportive. After all, gaybies tend to be extremely cute with cool names. I love living in a place where my children are accepted and not made to feel like a minority. These are the days that gays can feel the same pressure our heterosexual friends have had to deal with forever. The questions of when are you getting married or when are you having a baby are now a part of our lives.
We live and raise kids in an open-dialogue society. Because of social media and online dating, boundaries are blurred. People want to share every part of their life online and that, typically, flows over into real-life experiences. Being a gay mom of three kids, I often find myself explaining my situation. How they are my kids, which ones did I have, who is their father, who my doctor was.
I do think people need to stop and think before they start asking very personal questions to women they don’t know very well. If we wanted everyone to know, we would have posted pictures of the donor on Facebook.
At this point in my life, I can easily handle it. A few years ago, I felt like people were invading my privacy and avoided this interaction. But now I share what I want to share, and, If I don’t want to talk about it, I excuse myself. Being a stand-up comedian, I'll answer questions with humor and that always helps with those akward moments. Like the first time we were asked who the babies' father was. I was a bit thrown, since we just met this guy, so I looked at him and said Brad Pitt. Not sure he enjoyed my response as much as I did. We all laughed and then he walked away.
I know my life is a bit more complicated than most. I have three kids, one has special needs, two moms, two new girlfriends, one nanny and my best male friend who hangs out every Monday for that manly energy. This is definitely not your traditional family.
I do think people need to stop and think before they start asking very personal questions to women they don’t know very well. If we wanted everyone to know, we would have posted pictures of the donor on Facebook. Of course, I understand that many find the lives of lesbians magical and extremely mysterious, which they totally are!
Like the fascinating question I have been asked at least 10 times. “Who takes out the trash in your house?” People are always surprised by the answer: no, I don’t take the trash out.
The next time you find yourself in a situation like this please consider these do’s and dont’s. After all, it’s only a matter of time before you find yourself face-to-face with a pregnant lesbian couple. Read this list and be prepared.
Small talk do’s and don’ts.
Don’t: Casually ask, “So who is the father?”
Do: Maybe start off with, “How did you ladies meet?”
Don’t: "How did you guys do it? Get pregnant, I mean?"
Do: "How far along are you?"
Don’t: "Are you both going to be called mom?"
Do: "Have you decided what each of you will be called?" Mama, Mommie, etc.
Don’t: "How much did it cost?"
Do: Talk about the weather
Don’t: "How about a male influence for the child?"
Do: "I am sure you have a lot of men in your life who are looking forward to hanging with this baby."
The truth is, let’s become friends. Then we will probably tell you everything anyway.
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