Two seconds after a nurse handed my newborn son to me for the first time, I met my first-ever lactation consultant. I had just endured 24 hours of labor, only to be cut open to deliver my baby. A combination of drugs and exhaustion were swallowing my brain whole. My baby nuzzled at my chest, ready to eat. I can do this, I thought. We can do this.
“Hello!” The lactation consultant said, wielding a small plastic nipple thing. “Put this on your nipple. There you go. Now let him try.”
My baby hadn’t even tried without this plastic thing, and he did not like it.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Can we try without it?”
“Let’s give it one more shot. He’s being a lazy little bugger.”
Thanks to the lactation consultant, I felt as if I were failing breastfeeding 101
Deep down inside, I wanted to say that he literally just was born — he’s not lazy. But I was so tired. She stuck the nipple shield on me and directed my baby’s head toward it. Apparently she had some success, because he sucked a bit before crying briefly and falling asleep.
“Looks like we might have to supplement with formula. And also, now that you’ve used a nipple shield, the hospital requires you to learn to use a breast pump.”
A moment later, a daunting contraption arrived at my bedside. It was the first time I’d ever seen a breast pump up close, and the tangle of wires and suction cups freaked me out. I just wanted to sleep.
“OK,” the lactation consultant said. She held up the suction cup. “Attach this to this, and then this to that, and then put it on your breast like this …”
She said more stuff I couldn’t understand. I was literally falling asleep holding my newborn son while my mom held my son on me to make sure I didn’t drop him in my exhaustion.
I closed my eyes and drifted off. Through the haze of sleep I heard the lactation consultant say she’d come teach me how to use the pump when I was more awake.
They’d stare at my boobs and watch my son try to suckle, telling me what I was doing wrong.
I felt sad that I had to use a pump. I thought I’d be able to have a golden hour of breastfeeding bonding time, but the C-section had interfered with that. And so had the lactation consultant.
Using formula — instead of breastfeeding — is OK, too
Almost every mother I had talked to before I had my baby told me to seek out lactation consultants because they were breastfeeding lifesavers. I was nervous about wading into the uncharted waters of breastfeeding. What if it didn’t work out? What if I had to formula feed?
I know now that formula isn’t the worst thing in the world. Fed is truly best. But my fears stood in the way of my good sense, which would’ve asked the lactation consultant to please back off a bit and let my newborn and me figure out breastfeeding on our own for a few days without all the extra “help.”
But throughout my hospital stay, almost every lactation consultant I encountered was equally unhelpful. They’d stare at my boobs and watch my son try to suckle, telling me what I was doing wrong. I felt like I was sitting at a desk, half-naked, taking an algebra test, every single time we attempted breastfeeding.
I actually didn’t get the hang of nursing until I’d been home with my baby for a few days, left to work it out on my own.
Moms, trust your instincts
So, new mamas or mamas who are struggling with breastfeeding, talk to your lactation consultant at the hospital, sure. But if they try to push nipple shields and pumps at you, listen to your instinct or have a family member or your doula advocate for you if you’re too exhausted to stand up for yourself and your baby.
Ask them to tone it down a few notches or leave you alone if they can’t. Bring in a fellow mama you love and trust and ask her to help you learn the ropes.
And, if nothing’s working — not even with the nicest, most patient lactation consultant — then don’t be afraid to look into other options to keep your baby fed and healthy. Whatever ends up happening, trust me, it'll all be OK.
