So week one of having a newborn went by in a euphoric blur. Part of me was amazed that this moment we had been waiting for had finally happened. We had a baby! A little squish of our own. Week one was a lot of recovery pain for me, which meant a lot of hanging out on the bed or couch. Our days were filled with on-demand breastfeeding to get that milk production strong, napping (yes, napping with baby helps combat the sleepless nights), lots of diaper changing, and moments of awe all done in loose jumpsuits, sweatpants, pajamas, and lots of nursing bras.
So, here we go — week two of the 4th trimester. This week is all about adjusting. I tried the shower again because I knew part of me would feel more human. The first few minutes were great, and then I tried to wash my hair. The pain of the C-section was excruciating. There was a searing hot pain where the incision was, and I quickly wrapped my core back up in my Belly Bandit C-section undies and belly wrap, and about 10 minutes later I could stand again. That was not the self-care shower I was hoping for.
One of the commitments I made to myself was not to let myself go
I wanted to do something to make myself feel more human every day. For me, that’s doing a morning and evening skincare routine, albeit one that takes only three to five minutes. It makes me feel good that I am taking care of myself. My morning skincare routine lasts about two minutes, and then I throw on some light makeup and do my hair. It may be a top knot, but I like walking out of the bathroom and feeling like I care. When I care about me, the world feels more manageble. Working out is another self-care activity that makes a HUGE difference in my world, but I had a solid few weeks before I would be cleared to even attempt to start building back some muscle.
So week two, I still very much am in a euphoric state of newbornhood. I think because this journey to our rainbow baby was so long and unlikely because I’m 9.5 years older, I am loving everything about this newborn time — something I never thought I would say. I breastfed my first son, Eddie, because it was what I knew I wanted to do for him, but I never enjoyed the many middle-of-the-night feeds. I couldn’t understand why moms thought it was so beautiful. I get it this time.
I’m loving breastfeeding around the clock
Part of it is that Max latches really well, and part of it is because my milk came in well and it doesn’t feel nearly as overwhelming. I worried a LOT last time that my baby wasn’t getting enough milk and wasn’t gaining back his weight quickly enough. I think it was a really hard transition for me from zero kids to one because I had a new identity as E’s mom and everything was so new in mom life, not to mention babies don’t seem to come with a “how-to” guide. It was such a change for me. From switching out my chic, tiny purses for diaper bags, to leaking everywhere, to hoping I could shower once a week, to frozen breast milk being liquid gold, and always making sure I was stocked with diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes for those lovely blowouts.
Now that I've adjusted to mom life, it seems a lot easier to add Baby M into the mix, especially during quarantine
That’s because we aren’t going anywhere for the most part, which is good and bad. I love not having to rush anywhere with a newborn baby in tow. I love that my hubby is home all the time and helps out. We aren’t trying to go out to eat with a newborn, but we hate that our friends and family haven’t been able to meet Max because of COVID-19. We are under strict guidelines from our pediatrician that absolutely no one other than our immediate family is allowed to touch Max and that people can meet him only from six feet away with masks on. These are strange, unprecedented times, and parts of it are heartbreaking.
When it comes to breastfeeding, I’m producing quite a bit of breastmilk
But I do feel a little short during the last cluster feed of the night. When you are exclusively breastfeeding, there is a little panic that you aren’t producing enough. What if my body is failing my baby? What if? What if? What if? It goes on and on, but in the meantime, I have popped on the internet and ordered a wide selection of “milk boosting” cookies to try, including ones from Milky Mama. Then I went to a local business, the Pump Station, and ordered some organic milk lactation tea, Boobie bars, and some other goodies. Anything to keep up with this growing hungry babe.
I’m also struggling with finding nursing-friendly clothes that still make me feel like the “Old Veena” and are easy to feed on demand. We still want to feel attractive and cute but need to adjust to the newborn mom life. So far, I have resorted to lots of spaghetti strap jumpsuits, overalls paired with nursing tanks, but I shop online during those middle-of-the-night feeds and try to find some new options. It’s hard to feel attractive when you have milk stains on your clothes, and boobs that are two to three times your pre-pregnancy size. But again — adjusting.
Max is adjusting, too
He is sleeping a wee bit less, getting a wee bit more gas, but he’s still the cutest little human to me. His umbilical cord finally fell off, and we can’t decide if he has an “inny” or “outie” yet, but time will tell.
Eddie is adjusting to being a big brother and having our attention split between him and Max. This part is tough on me. He has been our whole world for almost 10 years, so to give him less attention is hard, and the mom guilt is creeping in. Eddie, thankfully, offers me grace and thinks everything Max does is the cutest thing in the entire world — talk about a mom swoon!
Catch up here: Diary of a 4th Trimester Mom: Week 1
