You may have heard Facebook is getting ready to roll out a set of "reaction" emoticons in response to the demand for a "dislike" button. Unfortunately you won't be able to tell your neighbor how you really feel about their lawn decorations with a "thumbs down" symbol, but there will be faces titled "love," "haha," "yay," "wow," "sad" and "angry" to help you sort out your complicated feelings. Thanks, Mark Zuckerberg!
But I'm thinking there should be an entire other set of symbols that could be used by one of Facebook's most prolific group of users: parents. As we know, the feeling you get when someone makes a judgy comment about that Lunchable in your back-to-school pic can't be summed up by just the "angry" button. Here are a few I'd like to see:
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1. The "Shouldn't You Be at the Library?" button
You know the feeling. You see your teen tagged in a funny picture at the arcade, and boy are they having a good time. But wait, didn't he tell you he was going to be spending the evening researching land mammals for his science project?
2. The "I'm Judging You" button
Admit it. People are going to parent their own kids in a way that you just don't approve of. Is that the mom from kinder playgroup checking in at McDonald's? Here's a way to gently tell her that those chicken nuggets are made by the devil.
3. The "Stop Judging Me" button
Wait a minute—why is anyone trying to tell you how to raise your own kid? Use this button when you want to tell someone to mind their own damn business and to stop trying to make you feel guilty for feeding your hungry child a piece of breaded poultry.
4. The "My Invitation Must Have Gotten Lost in the Mail" button
It's bad enough your kid didn't get invited to her BFF's birthday party, but it's even worse when your Facebook stream is filled with pictures of all of her classmates whooping it up in the bounce house. Ditto for that mom's night you got left out of and all the drunken selfies you have to stare at online. Here's an effective way of letting them know how bitter you are.
5. The "That Cup Better Be Filled With Soda" button
There are SO many red Solo cups in those party pictures your teenager just posted! Yes, your underaged teenager.
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6. The "Get Ready to See Pictures of My Cereal" button
Know what's really cruel? When you're stuck at home with a toddler and all of your single friends keep posting pictures of some fabulous 10-pound steak in peppercorn sauce they're devouring, or a dessert that's as big as a car. It's about time you got revenge by filling their feed with hundreds of pictures featuring miserable bits of wheat floating in pools of milk.
7. The "Help Is On the Way" button
When your best friend posts that she hasn't left the house for days, her entire wardrobe is caked with dried applesauce and she just accidentally put her baby in the filing cabinet—that's not a status update, it's a cry for help. Use this button to let her know you'll be flying right over with some strong beverages and a soft shoulder.
Photographs by: Marsha Takeda-Morrison
